Bring the Joy Back to Hosting w/ Mara the Joyful Hostess -26

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Shawna Rodrigues 0:00

Less perfection, and more connection. That's the motto for our guest today. And this might be my new favorite saying. I'm sure that with the shifts and being able to have guests over, some of you may be considering or already planning to host this holiday season or in the coming months. Our fabulous guest focuses on the joy of hosting, and making sure the perfection doesn't distract from making the most of your gathering, and the reason you put together the party in the first place. On today's episode, we'll get some great tips and tricks. That's a very valuable conversation, and I hope you stick around to enjoy.

Shawna Rodrigues 0:38

Welcome to The Grit Show. Growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm happy to be here with you as your guide for all of us growing together as seekers and thrivers. Today's guest is the founder of Joyful Hostess and entertaining is in her blood. Mara grew up in a family that hosted everything from big holiday gatherings to impromptu Sunday dinners to lively cocktail parties, and she loved every second of it. She's carried on those traditions with her own family because she believes inviting people to gather is an act of love. Joyful Hostess is on a mission to teach women to let go of perfection and bring up their own inner joyful hostess. Mara does this worked but more love and joy into the world because when women feel good and confident about hosting more gatherings, that means more celebration, more bringing people together and ultimately more joy. Support them on their journey, she's created lots of resources to make it easy. From books to digital Dunphy party kits, an online joyful hostess academy and more. You'll get to learn more about her YouTube channel, and blog with recipes, tips and ATS. We'll get to all of that as we talk to her today. Thank you so much for joining us, Mara. I'm glad you're here.

Mara 1:51

I'm so glad to be here.

Shawna Rodrigues 1:53

I know it's perfect timing with the holidays coming up, because you get all these great tips and tricks. So, I want to learn more about your journey to become a joyful hostess yourself. Because this hasn't been what you've done your whole life. Can you tell us a little bit about your journey to this?

Mara 2:09

Sure. Yeah, you're right. It hasn't really been my job, so to speak. I grew up like you said in the intro, you know, my family hosted a lot, I loved hosting. And then for work, I got into financial services, I was there for like, 20 years. And I loved working with clients. But my favorite stuff was connecting with them. It was, you know, we'd throw corporate events and corporate parties like, that kind of stuff. Like, I really, really loved that. Then, you know, like everyone, the pandemic hit. And sometimes, that was a blessing because you had a chance to kind of reevaluate and decide what you want to do from here on out. Like, is this something I want to continue doing? And yeah, so I looked like really hard at that. And I made the decision to sell my business and start Joyful Hostess. And it has been a wild ride, Shawna, let me tell you, but it's been one that has been fun and heartbreaking and enjoyable. I've learned so much. I don't think I would have changed that decision. At least not at this point.

Shawna Rodrigues 3:17

Yes. I think you got to go with it. That is so amazing. I love this whole concept of bringing more joy and less perfection into hosts the same.

Mara 3:24

Exactly, yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues 3:26

So, with doing this, what was the first thing that you started with? Was it doing the YouTube channel? Or was it with doing just like tips and tricks for people with your blog? Or where did you start?

Mara 3:36

Oh, God, I started with an Instagram channel just because that was easy to just upload, you know, photos and that kind of thing. And then figured out we were talking about technology before we started, right? Figured out like, how to do a website. And then that way, I could kind of have a catalog of recipes that people could go to and search through some easy cocktails and easy desserts and that kind of stuff. And, and then from there, I started. People kept saying like, start a YouTube channel, but I'll be honest, I was scared. I was really, really scared to start a YouTube channel. And then one day I just decided like, I don't want to swear, but like, eff it, like, I'm just gonna do it. I don't care. I'm just gonna do it. And I did it. And I was sharing cocktails every Friday, just like easy cocktails as you can make as a hostess. And then things started to happen from there, right? Brands are reaching out and like, the channel was starting to grow. My Instagram is starting to grow. So yeah, it just kind of evolved from there.

Shawna Rodrigues 4:30

That's so exciting. And I think it's incredible, because during the pandemic, I think we were all dreaming of hosting and,

Mara 4:39

we were all of a sudden, we realized how much we missed it like, yeah, I really missed it. Like, I said to my husband, I go, you know, I don't think we've had any home projects finished because we were hosting something, right? Like, not been really done that because we haven't had people over, right?

Shawna Rodrigues 4:55

Yeah, no, no, we had soup nights or something that my friends had done and we had a soup night, literally, three weeks before the pandemic hit and everyone's like, that was the last party I went to. Like, I haven't done this in two or three years. And so it's funny like, how far we've gotten away from doing that. And like, got wistful for back in the day when we used to get together. So this is the first holiday season for a lot of people that they're actually having gatherings.

Mara 5:22

Yeah, exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues 5:24

Do you have tips to starting to look at that? What are your thoughts that people are ready to get back into that zone of celebrating and gathering again?

Mara 5:31

Yeah, I would say, I mean, you don't have to start with like the big show, whether that is really Christmas or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, like, whatever it is, you don't start with a big show. I mean, it's easy enough to just start by inviting people over for dinner, right? Just invite people over dinner, just make it casual, or brunch or whatever that, whatever kind of celebration you want to have. And I would also say that to get back in to it, or to ease back into it, and I talked about this a lot, is make it easy on yourself. You don't have to make everything from scratch. I think a lot of people kind of get caught up in, you know, you're seeing things on Pinterest, or YouTube or whatever. And you feel like you have to make all this elaborate stuff yourself. Like, that's the only way when you're hosting and you don't. So, you can totally outsource that. You can go to your favorite restaurant, right? Support local business, get takeout, bring it home, put it on platters, and invite people over. Because I guarantee you, your guests aren't like, they're not going to care. They're really not going to care that you ordered takeout versus doing it all yourself, right? So yeah, give yourself a break. Start that way. Maybe start with something small and start. You can outsource if not the whole dinner, then maybe just dessert. Don't worry about doing the desserts or the appetizers.

Shawna Rodrigues 6:43

Yes, and focus on one thing. I think that's part of the problem. I see people trying to do baby showers, or bridal parties, whatever else and they're trying to do everything,

Mara 6:52

yes. And Pinterest-worthy,

Shawna Rodrigues 6:54

and everything they've seen as they like, why don't you focus on like, one really cool diaper cake or one appetizer or one really cool design. And not like keep yourself up for three days straight trying to make everything perfect.

Mara 7:10

Oh my gosh, you're so right about that. We were actually just talking about this, that when it comes to decor, especially with the holidays coming, people get all caught up with every inch of the house has to be decorated and actually doesn't. So, one of my tips when you're hosting is, like you said, just focus on a couple of key areas, like, think about where your guests are going to be spending the time. And then focus on decorating those areas. So, if you're hosting like, Christmas dinner let's say. Focus on making the table or the dining room beautiful, right? If you're having people over for a movie night, then focus on the living room and your Christmas tree and the twinkle lights, right? And you don't, you don't have to make every inch decorated.

Shawna Rodrigues 7:50

Yes, yes. Keep it manageable. It's the joyful. Bring the joy back into it.

Mara 7:54

That's right. That's right. And our motto, like at Joyful Hostess, is it's less, our motto is less perfection and more connection. So, lighting, isn't that good. I feel like when we get all caught up at things being perfect, you kind of miss the point of what you're, what it is so, and I find even myself, I get guilty of that too, right? Getting caught up in like, oh my gosh, like, you know, the perfect table setting or whatever. And when I think about what stresses me out, it's because I'm so focused on the perfection piece, and not focused on just the connection and the people that are coming over and spending that time together.

Shawna Rodrigues 8:33

Mm hmm. That's exactly it. Like, I talked about outcomes based communication. So, I'm gonna have hard conversations like, what is the thing I want to get out of it and focusing on what I will get out of it. And so that we just have outcomes based parties. Like, I want to be on this party, I want to get out of like, connection. I want to have time with the people I love and care about and that's what really matters. And so that's what's important. That's wonderful.

Mara 8:56

Yeah,

Shawna Rodrigues 8:56

I just came back from a trip to the East Coast. I was gone for a few weeks. And while I was out there, I had, they throw me a, a bridal party, a bridal shower. It was knida, it wasn't really, it was like combination of a shower-bachelorette thing, but it was kind of just gathering with friends at a friend's house. It was lovely. It was lovely. It was great because they really did, the focus was just on us spending time together. And it was amazing because we were there for four hours in a blink which I wouldn't have thought it would have been four hours but we didn't play games, we didn't do, there was food that was lovely and simple. And there was a theme to the gifts because I'm, because I'm an author, I'm a writer and I love books that everyone gave me a copy of their favorite book. Isn't that lovely?

Mara 9:38

That's a great idea.

Shawna Rodrigues 9:40

Yeah, the hostess came up with it. She did a beautiful job. So, pops, Carolyn, you're getting pops for this. So she came up with that idea. Everyone gave me a copy of their favorite book to read and it was so small and intimate and we were able to catch up and especially because I hadn't been back east in like three years because of the pandemic so I hadn't seen everybody in a few years and they hadn't seen each other in a few years as it really was just like catching up and connecting. And I really wonder for everyone having gathered after not for a few years, like, less is more, we didn't need to have things planned because just catching up and connecting took up the entire party. Really, there wasn't room if we would have tried to have games or tried to have other things, there wouldn't have been space for that. And more people, there wasn't space for more people because it was a small gathering. There's like, eight to 10 of us is all there was really space for, for all the kitchen. So, smaller is better and simple is better right now.

Mara: 10:28

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, if you want to do elaborate, go ahead. But I feel those events that stick out in your mind, those special memories are the ones where you're really connected with the people who are there. Right? Nobody's going to remember what your color scheme was for your Christmas party or what, you know, appetizers you serve, unless they're like spectacular, but people are just going to remember the time together. That's what they're gonna remember. And the feeling, right? The feeling.

Shawna Rodrigues: 10:57

Yes, yes, yes. Yes. And there was lots of little thoughtful things too. So, you can do the thoughtful things. But I think doing like, the one or two things that stand out, right?

Mara: 11:05

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 11:06

Or the things that you could put your, your time into like, the one, she did do, she did do this wonderful apple cider, spiked apple cider bar where you can spike it and put like, she even had like nuts, and she had like whipped cream and stuff to go in it.

Mara: 11:20

Oh, yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 11:20

And she had that, she had like her little like, special station for things too. So there's like, one special thing that like, yeah, stood out instead of trying to do 10 special things to standout. So, yeah. Yes. No, that's wonderful. I think it's great. And I think that and that's a lot of having the support from something like you and even like your done for you party kits. Tell me like what those are, because I'm sure those are helpful for people that felt overwhelmed or trying to plan parties, too.

Mara: 11:46

Yeah. So these done for you party kits are basically, you can instantly download right now we've got wine tasting, because you know, with, I mean, that's anytime, right? To have a wine tasting party.

Shawna Rodrigues: 11:56

Yeah.

Mara: 11:57

And it gives you everything from the invitation if you want to send out the invitation, it gives you the wine tasting mat. It gives you printable signs that you can put up to decorate with. So it's really one of those things where all you have to do is invite people over. And obviously get your wine and I've got everything for you. The tags, the judging sheets, the placemat, like it's all there. My goal with those, whether it's the wine tasting wine or the Rosae, I even have a hot coffee bar, hot beverage station, is that, let's just make it easy. And then you can just one click download it, print it and you're done. You're like ready to go.

Shawna Rodrigues: 12:34

Oh, that's brilliant. And that's fine. Like the wine tasting. I've done that before. And you just have somebody, everybody bring a bottle of wine. You don't even have to do the wine.

Mara: 12:43

That's right. We did that this summer. And it was so nice. Like, it actually introduced us to wines that we wouldn't have normally tried, right? Because then people were like, oh, and I made the suggestion. Like, let's focus on like white wines. And people brought some really lovely wines. And I'm like, I never in a million years would have picked this up off the liquor store shelf because I didn't like the label. Which is why it was fantastic. Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 13:05

Oh, that's so fun. That's a great idea. So if someone's like going, Oh, it's already the middle of December. I wanted to get together with my friends. You can just download that kit and have your little gathering with your friends and have like, wine tasting party.

Mara: 13:17

Yeah, yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 13:18

That's a great idea. I love it. And nice and easy. Easy as good.

Mara: 13:22

Exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues: 13:22

It's easy as good. That's wonderful. So, what has been your favorite part of running your business and having the Joyful Hostess?

Mara: 13:30

Oh, man. I, there's been so much I think the opportunity to meet other people like you Shawna, I think in my previous role, because you're meeting clients, and it was just more localized, right, obviously? But now I meet any people from everywhere, and connecting with other business owners, connecting with other women. And I think that's the power of connecting online and building a business online is that there's no barriers to that. And the nice thing about it is there's also, I'm also moved into a business now where there's not a whole lot of regulation around what you can do and say,

Shawna Rodrigues: 14:09

yeah,

Mara: 14:09

you know what I'm saying like, with the advertising and stuff, we had to be very careful around the wording and the phrasing. And now I can build a business that feels more me. And I have the creative freedom. That's where I'm going for. To have the creative freedom to build a business how I want.

Shawna Rodrigues: 14:26

That's so exciting. You can see more authentic and share more things you're excited about. That is wonderful.

Mara: 14:32

Exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues: 14:33

The joy into people's homes. I love it.

Mara: 14:36

Yeah. I love that. I love that. I love knowing that maybe in some way I'm part of somebody's celebration.

Shawna Rodrigues: 14:41

Yeah.

Mara: 14:42

Or just get helping somebody get competent. Like, I have a young woman reach out to me and say, you know from watching your like, your YouTubes, I was really scared about having my family over and she said she had just had her family over for dinner. And she was like, ecstatic about it. And it was just like one of those things where I'm like, yes, that's what this is about. Just showing you, you can do it. And it doesn't have to be hard. And think about what that will do for you later on.

Shawna Rodrigues: 15:10

Yeah, yeah. I love that. I love that. Yeah. And looking forward too because we have New Year's. I'm, my sweetheart, he's not, my fiance's not big on New Year's but I was always big on New Year's and doing things for New Year's Eve and stuff like that. So, Mara is from Canada, so I get to ask her Canadian questions like, is New Year's big in Canada?

Mara: 15:30

Oh, for sure. For sure. For sure. Actually, this year, I'm helping a friend of mine. She wants to plan a New Year's Eve party. She's got a new home. And we're doing a Great Gatsby page.

Shawna Rodrigues: 15:40

Oh, fun.

Mara: 15:42

Well, that'd be fun. I can't wait to post all about that. And, you know, share, like the tips and what we're doing for that Great Gatsby New Year's Eve. It's gonna be super fun.

Shawna Rodrigues: 15:50

Yeah. Theme parties, I mean, those are work. But those are worth it. Those are so much fun.

Mara: 15:56

Yeah, we wanted it to be over the top because like you said, we've had like two years, almost three years of not being able to do anything. So this year, we're like, what is more over the top than Great Gatsby? Like, come on.

Shawna Rodrigues: 16:08

I mean, this is 20s. We're going back to the 20s. Because it's 2022.

Mara: 16:12

Exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues: 16:13

That makes perfect sense to me. Yeah, that's, like so much fun.

Mara: 16:18

It's gonna be fun. So I do have a tip I wanted to share about, and it just reminded me like with New Year's Eve, I talk about how music can actually lend more ambiance to your party, right? Like, so it can, it can help further a theme. And so, here's a really great idea. If you create a Spotify playlist, then you have your guests contribute music, like add to the list, then during your party, all you have to do is play your like Shawna's like, New Year's Eve party mix. And everybody gets to hear their favorite song at some point. And I think guests like being able to contribute to the party in that way. And the second thing I like is that even after the party is over, you kind of have this memory of your party, right? Because not everybody has that playlist. Isn't that a cool idea. I like that idea. We're gonna do that on New Year's Eve.

Shawna Rodrigues: 17:07

Okay, so I'm totally taken. It's a whole different level. So I'm getting married in May, obviously, we're talking about my little party in, in Boston. And so when I was in New England, and I've been building my dance scene, less for my wedding, for some time and we were like previewing it when I was at in Boston and like, we were like late coming into my party because there was three of us in one car and, and two people shows who are on the outside, listening to dancing list, and adding the dance list.

Mara: 17:35

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 17:36

So that's awesome. I should start doing that Shawna-Robbie's dance list for the wedding. Like, I should start working on that list now. But do you have people just email us then add it on the list? Or is there a way to make it public and they can add it? Or how do you do that?

Mara: 17:49

Yeah, you just make a list in Spotify and then you can share it.

Shawna Rodrigues: 17:53

That's awesome.

Mara: 17:53

You share the list, and then guests can just go find Shawna's, find the link to your list. And then they can just add their song. They don't have to email you. You don't have to do any of that. They can just do it.

Shawna Rodrigues: 18:03

Nice. Nice. And if you add that song that will be to them. I mean, I will welcome any contribution. There's only so many times you can hear, Who Let the Dogs Out, I'm telling every younger child that's coming to my wedding.

Mara: 18:18

That's right. That's right. You get, you get the ultimate veto power over that.

Shawna Rodrigues: 18:23

Yes, ultimate veto power. But yeah, no, there's some good songs out there, but that's so much fun that that's an easy way to do it. Just make it public and have people be able to add in, as they see fit. That's so brilliant. More. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Make it easy. I like that.

Mara: 18:37

Make it easy. The other idea, I had a couple here. The other idea, I talked a little bit about this but, outsourcing, right? So, outsourcing doesn't have to be hiring somebody, right? It doesn't have to be hiring the party planner or you know a chef to make something. Outsourcing can just be asking friends and family. So, don't be afraid of hosting a potluck or asking somebody to just, could you just bring an appetizer like, that would be super helpful. And outsourcing also is asking people in your house who limit you like, I have, you know, kids and the husband so when you're hosting it doesn't just have to be you getting the house ready and getting everything ready. So make sure you ask for help because it can be a big job and nobody wants to feel frazzled and feel drained when guests like ring that doorbell, right? So that's a way that you can kind of protect your energy, focus on what matters and you know, outsource what you can. It's okay to do that.

Shawna Rodrigues: 19:36

We've had the tradition with the kid that gets assigned to take drink orders every Thanksgiving or Christmas at our house. There's always a kid who's assigned to take drink orders and be in charge of drink orders. So, give those kids jobs. Find jobs that are appropriate, but

Mara: 19:50

100%. You know my kids always helped set the table.

Shawna Rodrigues: 19:52

There you go.

Mara: 19:52

And so that was something, Oh, here's another tip. Setting the table the night before. That is going to save you. The day of there's like, enough to do and I don't care what the party is whether it's like, Christmas or your birthday or whatever, you're always running out of time, and you haven't been there yet, and guests are gonna be here. So, setting the table the night before does a couple of things. Highlight really quickly, like, what you're missing. You're like, Oh, crap, I don't have enough wine glasses, right? Or, I don't have enough cutlery. But having the kids help with that, they feel like they contributed. And then they're like, it's kind of like a source of like pride. Like, they set the table, right? For every day. So, and it's one less thing you have to do.

Shawna Rodrigues: 20:29

Yes. Yeah. It's skills to have in life too, I think.

Mara: 20:32

Yeah. Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 20:33

I like it. I like it. Yes. Do you have something else for us? I like these tips.

Mara: 20:39

Oh, setting up your bar area, or your appetizer area away from where you have everything else set up. So, I don't like to put the bar and the food like, kind of in the same area. Because what happens is people tend to, like, just hang out there. It's a mess. You can't get around. I don't know about you, but I feel like the kitchen island, everybody I've talked to you like, kitchen island or the kitchen table, like everybody tends to hang out there. But if that's where you put all the food and drinks, of course, that's where they're gonna hang out. And people become kind of cemented in their spot, instead of like mingling with other people. So, one of the tricks is just to kind of like, kind of sprinkle stuff throughout. Keep it separate. So that forces people to get up, move.

Shawna Rodrigues: 21:25

Movement going.

Mara: 21:27

Plus it also helps. Sometimes you get cornered by somebody at a party and it gives you an opportunity to be like, I'm just gonna go refresh my drink like,

Shawna Rodrigues: 21:40

yeah, keep moving that way. That's, yes. Lanes of traffic. Have different lanes. Yeah. Those are good tips to have. And so you have your YouTube channel, and your blogs and your Instagram. Do you, do the stuff on your YouTube channel and your Instagram that are similar? Or do you usually do different materials on those things?

Mara: 22:00

There's usually different stuff.

Shawna Rodrigues: 22:02

Nice.

Mara: 22:03

YouTube, because it's like, longer form. I get to like, do a little bit more. Instagram will be kind of your quick tips or just the recipe, whereas YouTube, you can get a little bit more into it.

Shawna Rodrigues: 22:15

Nice. And then also, you've launched a course. So you'll be launching it again in January. Can you tell us a little bit more about that? So that's helping to bring the less perfection and more joy into hostess scene for folks that they're interested, right?

Mara: 22:29

Yeah, so the Joyful Hostess Academy is basically all of my years of hosting. I poured it all into this course. So that by the end of the course, the idea was, I wanted to help people let go with perfection, kick that party planning overwhelm out the door, and instead become more competent in their hosting because when they're more competent, they will have more people over which leads to like more joy and spreading the love and that kind of thing. So we talk about everything from understanding your own personal hosting style, to practical tips, timelines, guides, checklists, we get into all of it. We even get into like, last night, we got into some sticky hosting situations, you know, like, guests that maybe are intoxicated or reserve like how do you deal with those like, so these are the kinds of things that come up in that course that we talk about. And then at the end, you know, the idea is that you're going to be competent and ready to host your party.

Shawna Rodrigues: 23:30

Nice. And if people need to join it, so again, it would be open up again, in the spring, but for people's or Januaryish, for people doing that, is it more an intent? Like, they have a party in mind that they're working, like, they know they're gonna be doing a baby shower, they know they're going to be having people over for Easter. Or is it more, if you just want to learn about hosting, hosting and getting more comfortable, you should join. Or is it, or both are kind of who's your audience with that?

Mara: 23:55

Yeah. So finding that the audience is kind of, so for instance, I have a couple of people because Christmas is coming up, right? So they are hosting, so they want to just like make their lives easier. So they join. But then I also have people who are just new to hosting, right? Like, their first place, their first home, this is not something that maybe their parents did. And you're not really at this anywhere, but you want to do it. So where do I learn this all in one spot instead of having to kind of piecemeal and watching videos like here and there. It's all like in one for you.

Shawna Rodrigues: 24:26

Oh, nice. That's great. That is definitely a gift for somebody who's got their first home or whatever else to be.

Mara: 24:33

Yeah,

Shawna Rodrigues: 24:33

that's great idea for a calf. That's perfect.

Mara: 24:35

That is good. I don't know why I didn't think of that. That is a good idea.

Shawna Rodrigues: 24:39

Yeah, yes, people need, people need those skills. And for people that doesn't come naturally, that's definitely something to have those tips and tricks to not be overwhelmed. It's actually a wonderful experience. They want to do it again because they actually get to enjoy it. Very important.

Mara: 24:54

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 24:55

That's so wonderful, and so right now people can get on the waitlist for that and then they'll find out out when it opens up, correct?

Mara: 25:01

Yeah. Yeah. So right now if you head to the website, you can join the waitlist. And then you'll be like the first to know when we open the doors for 2023 which will be the early part of 2023. So, in May, all the spring stuff, spring entertaining, outdoor entertaining, we'd see a lot more bridal showers, baby showers, will you be my bridesmaid parties? Like all that kind of stuff?

Shawna Rodrigues: 25:23

Oh, all that fun stuff. Yeah. We're back to entertaining. We're back to entertaining.

Mara: 25:27

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, we are.

Shawna Rodrigues: 25:29

And for people who just want to be back to entertaining and like, wait, I haven't done this. How do I do this again? So you can take a course.

Mara: 25:36

Exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues: 25:37

Get you back ready for it. That's wonderful. This has been so great. I think it's been helpful for people to get them back and got it. And I think that following you on Instagram is also gonna be exciting, especially for that Gatsby party. I can't wait to see some pictures from that.

Mara: 25:49

Yeah, me neither. I'm already like sourcing some stuff for it. Oh, I can't wait.

Shawna Rodrigues: 25:54

That's so awesome. I need to ask you this. Because I was wondering, this with somebody recently. So I am intrigued by the fact that Thanksgiving is in October in Canada, and late November in the US. And it actually makes more sense to me that it's in October and in Canada, cause that's more aligned with the harvest.

Mara: 26:14

Exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues: 26:15

No. And, and again, like in the US, like we're told a story that it connects kind of with a dinner that happened. And there's very mixed things in the US around Thanksgiving and our relationship with indigenous people in having that, but I'm just curious, like, so is it kind of related back to a specific origin? Do you know, like, does it come from a specific meal or origin in Canada? Or is it just a general gratitude for harvest and for the origins in Canada? Do you know?

Mara: 26:44

Yeah, I don't know. But I do know, like, at least this is what I've heard the whole time growing up. That ours is in October, because in Canada because of the temperature, our harvest was earlier than it was in the US. So as far as I know, like, that's kind of the story that I've been told. Yeah, I don't know any more than that. Other than I like it in October, I don't know. I feel like in November. And maybe you can tell me like does it feel rushed? Going from like Thanksgiving and then into Christmas? Right?

Shawna Rodrigues: 27:14

Oh, yeah. 100 percent. It's like a landslide. Like, you do a landslide right into Christmas. And it's funny because it's not related to like, we have Harvest Festival in September and October, like our harvest festivals are so unattached to Thanksgiving. And then at least my grade school memories of why Thanksgiving is in November was because it was more related to not having food and the dinners that were then given with indigenous peoples and that, that connection was more why it was in November because it was related to the cold setting and, and not having resources and coming together with resources. And that was kind of the reasoning behind it being in November. It was kind of the reasoning behind it was those original dinners and coming together. And so that was why it was in November, but it in something that's even in college, I remember like we had Thanksgiving, and then two weeks later got out for you know, Christmas break as it was like, oh, we'd like just a weird time, you know, when we had it, so I can't imagine it differently. Because now I've done this my entire life. But October's, Oh, as soon as they learned, I think it was my 20s when I learned it was in October in Canada, I'm like, that makes sense. And is it as that day or is it, I feel it's like October 10th or 12th? Or somewhere in that range?

Mara: 28:29

Yes, it should be, I'll see. I'm gonna probably get this wrong. 2nd Monday of October, or the 3rd. It's something like that.

Shawna Rodrigues: 28:38

I thought like it was like, I thought it was yeah, that's what I thought it was like actually at the beginning of the week. And ours was on a Thursday.

Mara: 28:45

Yeah, yeah. No, October I mean, October. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and of all the holidays, I love Thanksgiving because I feel like it's the same family tradition, connection that you get at Christmas like that coziness without the pressure of Christmas and gifts and yeah, like all that.

Shawna Rodrigues: 29:06

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I also love Fourth of July and fireworks but I also wanted stuff for Halloween so, and I love New Year's because I just love celebrating and fireworks and dancing the night away. So I'm like an equal opportunity. Invite me to any holiday. I love them all.

Shawna Rodrigues: 29:24

I do too. I love them all but I have to say Thanksgiving is my favorite. Yeah, yes.

Shawna Rodrigues: 29:29

I think I pulled, when I was younger I think Thanksgiving will be the one that I would have named as my my favorite one also and then I spent enough of them away from home in other families and also enjoyed that but it had less of that like yeah, like connection as I got older too. But yeah, that used to be when I was younger, that was always my favorite one. And I used to love lemon meringue pie and that was the only time where I got it.

Mara: 29:49

Lemon meringue pie for Thanksgiving? That's interesting.

Shawna Rodrigues: 29:52

Isn't that funny? And it was funny with my family. So my family is we have a big, and forcibly and as there's six of us in our family, and we didn't have biological family that's close to us, and there was this family in the church that I grew up in that invited us to their house every year to which I'm still incredibly thankful because I cannot imagine a lot of people don't fight for additional children. So they get props for doing that. But the woman who had at her house her favorite pie was a meringue. So they always had lemon merigue pie. That's probably the only reason and I hated pumpkin pie. Hated pumpkin pie. So, and I could have the meringue pie and that's the only time they ever had lemon merigue pie. I don't often, I don't even make it now and have I have another lemon pie that's way better than I make now because I have different tastes now as I'm older as a kid, like, that was the pie and the only time I got it, and it was so amazing. We went to their house and they had this big table and we play games and, and it was like one time our family was invited to somebody else's house because we're a big family. We didn't often get invited to, to any of the other people's houses. So, and we didn't have a family that was close by that we went to their house. So it was a big deal that we got to go Thanksgiving at their house, I think.

Mara: 31:00

That's funny. Well, because my family is Italian. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas involve lasagna. The whole, everyone's like, do you have lasagna? Like, my husband's not Italian. So he's like, wait, what's happening here? Like, that's, that's like the first course. We do like that turkey and ham and all that stuff. But we have to do lasagna.

Shawna Rodrigues: 31:22

Yes. I went home for Christmas when you redated somebody and that was all like Italian food. And I'm like, where's that other stuff? You stay up and you watch mass on TV, and like, Okay, this is different. This is, okay. And then everyone doesn't wake up for gifts. Everyone sleeps and they stayed up late. And like, what? In Christmas? Yeah. Spend it with different people and the different traditions that come from the holidays is so interesting.

Mara: 31:50

I love that. I love hearing how other people celebrate and what are their traditions? Like, I think that's, I think that's really cool thing.

Shawna Rodrigues: 31:57

Yes. Part of the pot. Part of the pot. Yeah. But yeah, so we can talk with us all day, though.

Mara: 32:01

I know. I know.

Shawna Rodrigues: 32:01

Yeah. Let's get to the self care part. So what do you do for self care, Mara? What do you do to take care of yourself and bring joy into your life?

Mara: 32:09

Okay, I am getting back into journaling. So I feel like journaling for me is a really good way to like spend time with me. And I am a big fan of taking baths, so yeah, I feel like when I'm in the bath that's just so relaxing. And I feel like lots of ideas come in there. I don't know if it's like one or like because you relaxed. So bath and journaling and then anytime with good girlfriends, right? Where you can just like, laugh your heads off and be silly and that kind of stuff is important.

Shawna Rodrigues: 32:43

Yes, especially you're kind of out of the habit of that so it's good to get back in the habit of that. So that's important. Yes. Yes. Up your bath game with candles. Candles in bath is just like a whole different, my current bath setup at my current place, at the house we're in, doesn't have like a place to make candles but I miss my bath candles, all the difference, I actually had sconces to like, one of my places actually had sconces and on my bath times like, I like sconces with candles.

Mara: 33:08

Oh, nice.

Shawna Rodrigues: 33:09

That's different. But yes, bath that's, that's a good one. Good stuff.

Mara: 33:13

Yeah. Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues: 33:14

So for all of our guests, we actually offer you a coloring book because at The Grit Show we have the Color of Grit. It's our series of coloring books and so we offer our guests that thank you for coming to share your wonderful knowledge with us. We offer you either, we have two of them out now. We have the Vintage Mermaid and Magnificent Ocean and we have You've Got This which is inspirational quotes. So which one can I send you a copy of?

Mara: 33:40

Oh, I like the idea of a vintage mermaid. Let's just, because we're just talking about the bath, like, let's do vintage.

Shawna Rodrigues: 33:46

We got the ocean, we got the water. Great, awesome. So I will, because you're in Canada, I get to send you a digital copy of it so I will send you a of that. Just for you and that way you can even print it and share.

Mara: 33:57

Yes, thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues: 33:59

You are very welcome. I'm excited to hear what you think of it. Add that to your self care routine because we encourage self care here at The Grit Show. So, good stuff. And so what do we think that we should tell people to to walk away with? I think the concept to walk away with is this concept of tell me yourself because your slogan is a perfect way.

Mara: 34:18

Less perfection, more connection.

Shawna Rodrigues: 34:20

I love it. Less perfection, more, so as you're going through this holiday season and having people over for Hanukkah, having people over just for dinner or having people over for brunch, having them over for Christmas, whatever it might be, New Year's, etc. That's your goal is that less perfection, more connection. That's your goal. And some simple ways for you to think about doing that. I think the outsourcing I think is the biggest thing whether that's

Mara: 34:42

outsource. Yeah, get help with kids. Yeah. Family, friends, and I would include like in my to do list I always include some self care for me. So in that, even if you're just carving this, write down that you're going to like, shower and do your hair or whatever, make time for it because like I've said before, we've all fallen victim to like, oh my god, I'm still doing my makeup and people are at the door and I'm not ready, right?

Shawna Rodrigues: 35:08

Yes. Actually, I'm not done with my hair and makeup and people at the door, I'm like, Oh wow, we'll go with, we'll go with connection and not perfection on me but I'm less happy in the pictures cause I didn't get ready. So, prioritize you, outsource so that you can take care of you. Put somebody else in charge of the stirring and answering the door so you can get ready or get ready first. And you less stuff because people aren't going to care that the deviled eggs aren't like squeezed and perfect shaped. You know, like just scoop him in there and get to the shower like, you know,

Mara: 35:43

right, right. Candles and like, do that after.

Shawna Rodrigues: 35:47

Exactly. exactly. Cut corners really neat so that you can actually enjoy doing that. Yes, yeah, yes. And I love that idea too of like realizing that you don't have to, to make it all do at all. Like, people, give yourself a break. You may not remember what you made or didn't make any way. So no, yes. Yes, maybe, if it was important, I love to make things. So usually like I will make the dessert from scratch because I love making desserts. So I'll make a dessert from scratch. And that will be my thing that I made from scratch and then everything else. I might go to Costco and just grab something easy to throw.

Mara: 36:27

Grab a bag of salad that's like already done. Right? Put some nuts and throw some raisins in it and like, tada. There's like, your salad. Like, just make it easy.

Shawna Rodrigues: 36:35

Make it easy. Make it easy. Yeah, they used to be like this Hawaiian chicken that I would just buy it would have the sauces heated up or, or the cold pork and add barbecue and just cut that in half and there's your sandwich for the, the outside, yeah. Potluck set. Yes. Make it easy. And yes, potluck, potluck, especially if you're hosting Christmas dinner or a Hanukkah dinner or other dinner, tell people what to bring and have them bring it. They can stop at the local restaurant. But if they aren't, there's no getting off. There's too many times I hear that like, you know, Oh, well that person doesn't cook. Great. You can give them the recommendation of bringing the wine where they can stop and pick something up. That can still happen. They can get the bread, they can get the salad that's already premade,

Mara: 37:20

pick up some cupcakes, go to the bakery. Get us some cupcakes or some cookies or something.

Shawna Rodrigues: 37:25

Yeah, they can still contribute. So that's so far because I like, I like that plan. That's wonderful. And where is the, tell us about the website and the best way to reach you on website and Instagram and then probably your YouTube channel too.

Mara: 37:38

Yeah, yeah. So I would say, so the website is joyfulhostess.com and Instagram, same handle, JoyfulHostess, so we can chat there on Instagram. Like, that's kind of like, more social. That's like, where we get connected, too.

Shawna Rodrigues: 37:50

That is where we connected. You guys, you need, on Instagram. She has the best picture of her Cassina pineapple. I love it and so cute. And like with the hospitality and, and is that because I know this like in the South, that's the hospitality. Is the pineapples, is it the same thing in Canada?

Mara: 38:04

Yeah, yeah. That is the symbol of hospitality. Yeah. Which is why it's our logo. And that's why I love that. Yeah, yeah. And then YouTube has more longer form videos. It's a little bit more like instructional. And yeah, it's just gotten more info, right? Like Instagram's hard to like, kind of, yeah, all the information in there. So there's definitely more on YouTube. And there's different stuff on YouTube than there is on Instagram.

Shawna Rodrigues: 38:28

Awesome. So follow her on Instagram so you'll be reminded and then go check out her website and get that information so that you guys can kind of get some inspiration and then that class too, I think that's great. And even if somebody who just moved into their house and good gift, good housewarming gift. I think that's a great idea. So this has been fun.

Mara: 38:48

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues: 38:50

This is a really great topic for us as we enter the holidays. But have a little bit of joy to add that and a little less perfection, a little more connection with our hostess and it's a great thing. Thank you.

Mara: 39:01

Thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues: 39:02

Thank you for being here as part of our audience today. If you're interested in checking out our coloring book, after all it is the holidays. All you need to do is Google the Color of Grit, and it should pop up. You can definitely find them on Amazon. You can also get sample pages off of our website, thegritshow.com Don't forget you are the only one of you that this world has got and that means something. We'll be here again next Tuesday. I hope you are too.