Hard Decisions & Applying Your Word of the Year -33

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Shawna Rodrigues 0:00

Shawna Rodrigues 0:44

Welcome to The Grit Show. Growth on purpose. I'm so glad you found us. I'm Shawna Rodrigues. And I'm honored to be leading you on today's journey as part of this community, growing together as seekers and thrivers. Today, I'm doing a solo episode to chat with you about a big decision I've made. Talk about some tools that may be helpful in decision making. And look at how you're applying your Word of the Year as fellow work in progress. Are there things that you thought were off the table? Things you felt like you have to do? They're non negotiable. I know my conversation from Episode 12 with Belle Lockerby, we talk a lot about what we've been told about who we are, and the words that define us. This also includes the things we've been told we should do, the things we must do. You've heard me talk before about how beneficial a gratitude practice was, and helping me to know what I'm grateful for, and how much that helped me know, what is truly important in my life and what I truly value, and how gratitude is how I was able to narrow things down and figure out what was really me and what I enjoyed, and not what I was told or thought or believed or was perceiving to be the case.

Shawna Rodrigues 2:00

I've also found my word of the year has been valuable, and helping me to see what was most important. I talked about a word of the year in Episode 28. And the process of selecting mine and some thoughts about how you can select yours. It's absolutely not too late for you to select your Word of the Year, regardless of what month it is or where we're at in the year. So go back and listen to episode 28 if you think that would be helpful. I also reposted on Instagram last week, @The.Grit.Show, the little reel I made around choosing your Word of the Year. It's kind of fun, because you can just use your phone to snap a photo and do it a few times and see which word you get. It might be that the word that you happen to snap on, be it persistence, daring, focus, family, embrace, Zen, surrender, flow, gratitude, transformation, understanding, you get the idea. There's a lot of words. But whichever ones that you snap might be something that resonates with you and becomes your Word of the Year.

Shawna Rodrigues 3:05

It's a fun way that if you're having a hard time thinking of the word or narrowing a word, you might go there and see what raisins at the top. And you might find your word that way. So that is still there. It definitely helps me to narrow down what is most important to me on what I want to focus on. It also helps to filter other things out. There is this fabulous parable that I loved. And it was attributed to Warren Buffett that upon research, I actually found out that Warren Buffett laters that now that's not something that, that I ever did. But in the story, someone important told their pilot to write down 25 things that they want to focus on. And after writing down the 25 things they want to focus on because again, like as we start the year, as we start to focus at any point in time, all the things we want to do, all the things we want to accomplish is the list of at least 25 things, right? Sometimes it's hard to narrow to 25. And then the directions are to cross off 20 and only focus on five. Because those 20 things are going to take your focus away from the five things you really need to focus on. So it's very unfortunate that whoever came up with this concept needed to attribute it to Warren Buffett to get our attention and it turns out that Warren never said that to anybody. But that concept remains solid. You need to be able to cross off and get a lot of things off your plate and narrow your focus. And this idea of having a word of the year instead of having like 25 goals, five goals, 20 goals, all these things you're trying to accomplish to have one Northstar for the year. And again next year is a different one. And if you listen to that whole episode, I can go back and I tell you about the ones I've had in past years, and how much they helped me focus and then they become the bedrock moving forward that already have those pieces.

Shawna Rodrigues 4:54

Shawna Rodrigues 7:01

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I know that for me personally, the term abundance is one that does not resonate with me. For me, abundance is too generic. It's a veiled term that individuals in society were like how can we say richness and prosperity without saying richness and prosperity. And maybe for people the connotations that was necessary, but for me, tell it like it is. Be straight, get the specific word. That's what you want. You want riches, you want prosperity, you say riches, you say prosperity, and you own it. And that's okay. And if you have things, you know, The Words the Caterpillar Ate, you need to read that book from Belle Lockerby, and go back and unpack that, you unpack those words and get to a point where you can own those words because you need to have what you really want. And personally, I have an abundance of stuff in my house, I want less stuff, I want less stuff in my life, I have an abundance of stress at times and in the past, I've had an abundance of that. So abundance is too much. I don't need too much. There are plenty of things that I could have less of in my life. And so I'm still invited in prosperity, but I'm definitely letting go of abundance. I'm definitely not looking for that term. And I invite you to find that specificity to be key to exactly what you want and if you want richness, if you want prosperity, you own that and you say richness and prosperity and you don't hide behind some veiled piece that makes you nervous that someone else's handed you their baggage with. You find what you want and if you choose health, then you say health. Like, you know what you want, and you sit with that, and you own that and take away the pieces so that you can have that word and, and utilize that word.

It's important to find a word that fits and one that you can put into action. So I think our conversation with will help and just last week on Episode 32, or an internal family systems, when we talked about getting curious, you can really have some value with that here as well, if it's not sitting right, have some curiosity about why it's not sitting right. If it's hard to find the word, have some curiosity about that. We're all about finding the right questions here on The Grit Show. We don't have all the answers. But I'm the first to admit I do not have all the answers. And I just worry about trying to find the right questions, because that's the first step is finding the right questions.

So finding the word, applying it, and that's what we're gonna focus on a little bit more now. So my word is savor. And I talked about that more in Episode 28. About why I chose savor. I want to savor launching the Authentic Connections Podcast Network, I want to savor celebrating my wedding with those I hold near and dear, and launch my marriage, the love my life, I want to savor that. All of that. The only trouble is, that was a lot to fit in, and to try and savor. So trying to savor the time that my toddler nephew was staying with us, we were turning over a rental and I'm trying to savor, I do love painting and fixing things like I was trying to savor that. We had plan trips at Coast, another surprise, upcoming trip to San Diego, my love bought that for me for Christmas, because I didn't want more stuff. So I said I wanted nothing for Christmas. So he bought me a wonderful trip to San Diego that's coming out that I was so excited about. But it was getting more impossible to savor when there were so many things I was trying to fit in. And it was wonderful to have this changed lens of being able to savor and being present in these things. But the time and energy that was taken just meant that I wasn't sleeping, and I was exhausting myself. And try not to use the term overwhelmed but really having a hard time not using that term. Because my plate was very full. And so something had to give. And I was trying just push through. I know I can muscle through and make it all happen. Like I'm somebody who's muscled through if you're listening to this podcast, you're someone who has muscled through in the past, like you have the grit, right. And I worry that we think about grit, we think about this, right? We think about just pushing through making things happen. And I think a lot of my friends think of me that like I'm the woman that makes impossible things happen, I juggle and all these things come together. And you know, against all odds, I make it happen. And that was part of my identity at one point that I could make them possible things happen in some miraculous they do at all. And if you're listening, you might identify with that. You might be known for that at times. But guess what?

I don't want to do it all just because I can and just because there's some validation from others when I do. My word of the year is not conquer. I don't want to conquer everything. I don't want to prove anything to anyone. I don't need to show that I have grit, I know that I have grit. I want to savor. I want to savor. I have nothing to prove. And the end, I have myself to answer to an honor when I want to savor. So to savor, I needed more room. I needed more time, I needed more space. I want to do these beautiful, amazing things, and I want to savor them. So guess what? I did something that most people think is the option that wasn't on the table. In fact, the first time that I said it, I said it that just slipped out of my mouth and it wasn't an option. It was a what do you want me to do this, I can't do this. I did the thing that resulted in losing some money in deposits and causing some inconvenience. But, my well being, my ability to be present and joyful and savor was a priority. And I have waited and focused on finding the right partner who I'm so grateful for and who is so understanding and supportive. And in the end, we are postponing our wedding for a year. So that we can savor it, so we can do the things well and not just check them off the list, get them done. And I had to look at things hard and from all angles and find the things that looked immovable and get curious about whether or not they could move. It doesn't change how amazing my relationship is. How supportive it is, it doesn't change how amazing the wedding will be. It actually might make my relationship a little more amazing because he was so great about this. And it might actually make my wedding more amazing because of the people who are supportive about this. But it does change my stress levels drastically. It meant asking myself, what is the worst that could happen? I still remember the car I was in and the friend I was with the first time I was introduced to that idea, at the time it was regarding a pending breakup. And they asked me what was the worst that would happen if we broke up? And it's a question I've never asked myself before. This kind of connects back to Episode 30 with Jessica DeRose. She was listening to a podcast and they asked the guest, they were talking to that question, and that person's answer to that and the answer of the individual coaching helps her realize that she was living in her worst case scenario, right? So what is the worst that could happen? Have you ever asked yourself that? Sometimes we're so busy swirling in the fear, or just accept things as truths and things that are like immovable that we can't even address that we don't stop to say, what is the worst that could happen? Some of you, when you heard me talk about postponing a wedding might have had a knee jerk response ever. Wait, you don't do that. You don't do that. So you told people when you were getting married, people have plane tickets, like you had a venue? You don't, you don't do that. You don't let people down, lose deposits and change plans. You just don't. Others might have thought, What's the big deal? What's the worst that can happen? The worst thing for me, honestly, would be someone questioning our commitment or relationship in this marriage. But you know what, the only person that I care about questioning this marriage, this relationship are the only two people is my fiance and I. And we're both fine with it. Don't get me wrong.

When I like had that night of not sleeping when it first hit me. And I started looking at dates and wondering, could I really do this? And the next day, he happened to get off work early. And we went to lunch. And I asked him at lunch if this was an option. He was very understanding and supportive. And I'm in tears at the restaurant, because I can't believe I'm considering this. And he was just taking it in stride. But I was very nervous that he would take it wrong, or he wouldn't want to tell people or he'd be worried about all of that. When he didn't and wasn't and was great and supportive, because he is the man I was spending the rest of my life with because he is like this. And I should have known that. But still, I don't expect, we don't expect automatically to have this grace and beauty it from other people. And I'm always so grateful for it when it happens. But that's what I care about. And he was very understanding and, and I know that this is the best thing for me, and he is the partner I want. And this is a relationship I've waited for. And I have no questions, whatsoever.

Don't get me wrong, the first person that tried to twist it or put meaning into it, it actually, it bothered me a little. I did have to process it with at least two of my friends that were great and understanding and amazin. For that person, it was definitely more an indication of the deeper turbulence and our friendship and the fact that they don't know me, who I am and where I'm at or get. They don't get me and we're in different places. And that's kind of a sad, separate topic, not anything to do with this decision I'm making. Just a sign of that person and their lack of support and connection to me. Anyone who really knows me and gets me, got it. And some got it more deeply and beautifully than I ever expected. And it made me even more grateful for them and even closer to them.

The next hard part was that I was inconveniencing others, which I felt bad about. But again, that went better than expected. And for the most part, they were wonderful about it and so supportive of me doing this and taking care of myself and giving myself the space. It was hard phone calls. But the amount of joy I felt, this decision was made on a Friday and we went to the coast for the weekend. And I actually had an amazing weekend at the coast with my partner and had this incredible weekend. I had a list of wedding things are supposed to happen that I was bringing with me that we're supposed to be doing and taking care of because I was so behind on everything that I was cramming is my weekend and instead, I got to present with my partner and enjoy him and go on walks and do all the things that we would normally do on a weekend away instead of trying to like fit everything in and savor at all. Like, there it was, it was getting to a breaking point, we're trying to savor at all. I got to savor this amazing weekend. And I'm super excited about our trip to San Diego, because I'm actually going to really enjoy our trip to San Diego because I'm not doing those things. And so even those hard phone calls, I was able to make them in a timely fashion because I didn't dread them because I was able to enjoy everything I want to back because of that. And again, the people who were understanding, amazing like they made the short invitation list to our wedding, they hadn't received invitations, they hadn't received, say the dates yet, that's part of the problem. I kept not getting those mails. But the people that were already buying plane tickets, they are my nearest and dearest and so they are the people that the misunderstanding, right? Then lost, we lost money. But deciding we did minimize that, and also gave me a chance to practice putting less value on money and more value on my well being and happiness. And we could have more about that right? More than one episode could even cover. Money has as much power as we give it. And I don't let it have power over me. I allow it to be a tool to help make my life better not to limit or control it or add stress and pressure to it. It is a data point, not a deciding factor. And this helped me practice that because the deposits and the money put in that was lost was just examples of that.

Does this resonate with you? Is there something in your life that feels completely off limits? But if you start to turn it over and look at those angles and wonder about the worst that could happen? Does it feel like maybe that's not so bad, and maybe it's actually not worse than what you're already experiencing? Is it something you feel you have no choice about? Something it's hard to say no or hard to say yes to. Perhaps a shift in perspective can be helpful for you too. These are all just tools. And having a word of the year is one of your tools. And it was such a valuable tool for me because honestly, without my word of the year, I'm not sure if I would have come to this decision when I did or not come to it at all, and just pushed through and made everything happen and completely exhausted and drained and burned myself up.

Which, you know, there's episode back in December around that. Because we have grit, right? We don't have to show that. We don't have to prove that. We can save or we can enjoy, we can live our best life, we can make the decisions to make things better for ourselves, we are empowered to do that. So take the time to figure out what you really want. You can take the story and write down the the 25 things and cross out to one as you get to the five most important, you can start looking at the Pareto principle and start to say, Oh, well, my kids are only gonna remember 20% of the things we did when they're kids. So we just got to make 20% of these memories really great, because that's all they remember anyways. And the other 80, we don't have to put so much effort into it. We'll put a lot of effort into 20%. And the rest of them will just flow with that, like they gotta be there. But we can just roll with that.

So stop trying to do all the things. When your plate is full, look at what you can take off instead of what you can put on and make sure it aligns. If your word is create, think about the things you want to create. And what that means you and make room for that how you can make room for that what's on your plate that connects to that. Do you want to preserve and honor and what stuff you might need to let slide off because it doesn't? What things will be room for next year? Other years? We have time. There's more time in the future. So right now, right now, because if you keep all the 25 things, you never give all of the attention on them all. So let's narrow. Let's, let's get focused. Know where to structure then focus on the structure and saying yes, the things that help you form the structure, and not the things that add weight to it and make it harder to have it. Your word is focus, what's helping you to focus? What's taking away your focus? What is making things muddy for you, what are the things that you can get rid of because they make things muddy for you? Is it scrolling through Instagram and Facebook and social media that makes things muddy for you? Is that something you can take off your plate? What's the things you can do? What can you get rid of? What things can you get rid of? And then let's talk about the thing that I said the hard thing like what is the worst that can happen? If we're talking about something big, if you thought that you were going to take on something really big this year, it doesn't have to be a wedding if you're going to take on a big project this year. And what if you said no to that project, what is the worst that could happen? If you did take that job somewhere else? What is the worst that could happen? If you said yes to that relationship, what is the worst that could happen? If you said no to taking on responsibility for your neighbor, for your sibling, what would that look like? What is the worst that could happen if you did that? Is that worse than what you're already dealing with? Or by taking on we'll be dealing with? And if we're not sure, having that word of the year, can help you kind of look at what is important to you right here, right now, and how does that all lay out and come together. All stuff like that.

So I think we have a pretty strong example of self care, I think that line my, my word of the year, so that I could go to the beach for the weekend and actually be present and savor my time at the beach. Even if it required postponing the wedding was definitely an example of me taking care of myself and me going to a wonderful weekend in San Diego with my love is definitely an example of that. So those are ways that I am doing self care, I am making hard decisions to make sure that I am savoring the things that I'm doing. So even when I'm, when I'm painting and turning over an apartment, I am still going to be savoring it, because I do love those things. And so when I let myself get overwhelmed that I don't enjoy those things. And so protecting my time and protecting my focus, is how I'm able to make sure that I remember I do like to paint, I do like to do those things. But I need to be in a place where I can enjoy them, and I can savor them. And that makes some hard decisions about where my focus is. So that's my self care is the hard decisions of what I can take off my plate. And that will be our grit wit as well. Is you looking at what can you get rid of and I feel like we've done this before. And I should know which episode. But seriously, take a hard look when it comes to that list. Remember the 25, only keeping five which that is the same as the, the Pareto principle, right? I've only 80% ,20%, what's the 20% you're gonna focus on? So to recognize all the things you're saying yes to mean that you're saying no to things, even if what you're saying no to is your ability to enjoy and be fully present and to savor and to be in those things. Because you have so much on your plate, so that you can be more present with your kids, when you're spending time with them. You can be more present with your husband, or that you can enjoy cooking instead of rushing through because you have 2,3,5 other things to get done. What can you take off your plate? Maybe is the cooking, right? So what is, what is something that you can push aside. And so tonight or today, or this afternoon, or this morning, whenever you're listening to this, just have that in the back of your mind, what is something I can take off my plate? What is something that's not something as important as possibly taking my focus away from that that is important? What can I completely let go of? Because, you know, I kept saying that I was going to paint the bathroom, but I really don't care about painting the bathroom. So can I just let go with the fact that the bathroom is a color it is? Or can I get somebody else to paint the bathroom? Can I tell you? No? What else can I do? Because I need to let go of this. Because right now this just need to do this as weigh in on me. So what are things you can get off of your plate so that they stop laying on you? And to start thinking about that. Focus on what to get rid of not what to add, and see if your Word of the Year can help you focus that to help you know what you want to be doing. Where you want to be focusing on what things should rise to the top. That's your grit wit.

Thank you so much for sharing this time with me today. I value you. I hope you know that. I'd also love to hear it resonated with you from this episode from other episodes as well. And I love to hear if there's something you want to hear more about, and currently researching guests to build on some areas of past episodes. Because someone just like you connected with me and said, Hey, I want more on that. I look forward to getting your messages. And I love reading your reviews. So you can leave a review on Apple podcasts, Listen Notes, or various other sites just look for where you listen. If you leave on go and take a snapshot of your review and share on Instagram or Facebook and then tag @The.Grit.Show on Instagram or @TheGritShow on Facebook. It's kind of funny because Facebook doesn't let you do dots but details right? Or even just DM it to me if you prefer. There's enough listening platforms they may not see it. And I really care about what you have to say. So I would love for you to share it as well. So thank you for being here today. In case you haven't heard it quite enough, you are the only one of you that this world has got and that means something.