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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

Emotional intelligence is more than just a buzzword. It's an important set of skills and way of being that is important for all of us to learn more about and better incorporate. Today, we have an incredible guest who is going to help us to be able to look at 3 valuable things that can help us better look at emotional intelligence and understand how it applies to our lives and how we can better incorporate it into our lives. I'm so glad you're here for this conversation.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:35

Welcome to The Grit Show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing, and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:12

I’m thrilled to chat with our guest today. You guys get to meet Tomás Nores, who was born in Cordova, Argentina. He comes from a big family with 7 siblings and 17 nieces and nephews. I like the thread of the sevens. Was that, like, something you guys, plan? Like, no more nieces and nephews. We got to keep this at 17?

Tomás Nores [: 00:01:31

My whole family is expecting for me to have kids at some point. Part of the family. Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:36

So, then I'll have to go 27. So, everyone's got to step up once you start having kids. Right? So, we can just go to 27. But the great thing about Tomás, he is a psychologist, but he is someone who has discovered the world through work and travel, doing programs in the US and New Zealand, and is currently living in Spain. And he is doing adventure and traveling and living the nomadic life since February 2022. So, today, we are going to have conversations with him about emotional intelligence and the valuable things that you need to know about it. So, thank you so much for being here to talk to us more about well-being and emotional intelligence. I'm glad to have you here.

Tomás Nores [: 00:02:13

Thank you, Shawna. I'm really glad to be here. So, it's a pleasure to be talking with your audience and to be talking about a topic that, it's been a passion for the last 12 years. So, the moment I started to know about emotional intelligence, it kind of blew my mind and changed my life kind of forever. So, it's going to be a pleasure to help your audience to get to know more about it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:37

Yeah. How did you first stumble upon emotional intelligence? Was it part of something you learned in school or something you just kind of stumbled on in your own life?

Tomás Nores [: 00:02:45

No. Actually, I studied psychology for 5 years in the university, and I had never heard about emotional intelligence while doing the course of psychology. So, imagine all the topics, all the different topics that we addressed before. And then after I graduated, I said, okay. And now what do I do? Where do I start? So, it was quite a challenging moment for me that it took me around 3 months to discover what should I do. So, I came back to the university. I talked to one of my mentors from my thesis. And why don't you do a volunteer work that could help you gain experience, that could help you see the field by yourself. So, he suggested me some volunteer organizations, NGOs that they work together with for a couple years. One of the organizations, one of the NGOs, was this about emotional intelligence. And I was like, really? This sounds something that I want to dig in for myself. Because I had no idea. But, of course, I was in therapy by that time, but it wasn't so connected to my emotions truly. When I started to begin about it and I fell in love with the theory and practice about it, I thought it was so life changing for so many people. What I saw that what they were doing, I was truly amazed. And I said, alright. This is going to be my career.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:13

That is so exciting. I love that. And for anyone listening, we'll mention a lot, NGOs are nongovernment organizations, and a lot of people call them nonprofits a lot of times are the same things. So, by working with an organization that was really focused specifically on emotional intelligence is how you really started to gain awareness and learn more about that. So, what about emotional intelligence do you think is something that we don't know or understand or the most people aren't aware of?

Tomás Nores [: 00:04:44

Well, something that I always tell to people about is that, it’s not an easy beginning. Right? Because when you start digging yourself, you might find some things that you're not okay with. Acknowledging that not everything is bright in life, not everything is okay, and then you start developing some other vocabularies in your life, like, I'm not okay or I am okay, and then you start naming some emotions that I feel numb, I feel sad, I'm disgusted by this action, or I feel angry at this moment, when you start expressing yourself with different emotions, that can be harsh for you and your environment at the beginning. So, that's something that is kind of a bummer to start the first thing to know about it because it's not an easy path, but it's well deserved when you go through and when you learn to navigate.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:45

Yeah. People aren't used to identifying emotions, and it's so funny because my career started with working with young children. And the first thing you do with young kids is starting to work on identifying emotions and giving language for emotions. And then as I realized and looked at adults around me and myself that, no, adults don't know how to do that either. So, it's not just kids that needed to work on that.

Tomás Nores [: 00:06:09

No. Definitely. Definitely. And that's something that we all need training about. And this is probably when you say about what would you like to share about emotional intelligence. First thing, what I said is not that easy, and you need to keep doing it. The second thing would be, like, it takes practice. Those are social skills that can be developed within time, training, practice, and being patient about how it is and understanding the cycle of emotions. And when you say about, we're adults, I'm almost 40 years old. I have no idea how to manage this situation. Or in this context, I'm being very vulnerable myself, and I have no idea. So, how to understand your own emotions is something that you can train. And if you have done it while you were a child, if you had the privilege of having emotional education, then, oh, wow, then your relationships or your conflict management, I'm sure, is going to be much better than if you hadn't when you were a child. But even though you would be an adult right now, you can train it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:22

And do you think that, like, when you say if you're a child and you did have, like, the emotional education, like, what types of things do you think you're being taught if you're being taught about your emotions and how to handle them and how to process them? Like, what types of things does that include?

Tomás Nores [: 00:07:35

Well, it's funny because when we were going to schools or universities, for example, with this NGO that I worked for, and I was telling, like, really, we're teaching children from 5, 6, or 7 years old how to manage their emotions. They were like, no. No. No. What are you doing there? Like, you're just playing games. Of course, we were playing games. We were doing it very interactive and playful, of course, but with a hard structure in theory. Like, how can you address social skills? So, there's a lot of frameworks and theories that I'm not going to bore the audience about it. But, for example, let's say self-knowledge, self-awareness. Go to the core compliments about what Daniel Goleman, for example, which is one of the most well-known authors of emotional intelligence. What he says is that there are 5 core components of emotional intelligence. Right? So, one of them is self-awareness. Right? The other one is self-motivation. The other one is empathy. The other one is emotional regulation, and the other one is social skills.

Tomás Nores [: 00:08:49

So, imagine how needed would be in a classroom or how needed, it would take it to the other life, how needed would be in a teamwork or,

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:58

yes.

Tomás Nores [: 00:08:59

Right? But if we're talking about kids of around 6 years old, they are getting really angry at one moment because they are not being able to play the game they are trying to play, for example, or because someone stood up to them and they accidentally hurt them or whatever. So, those kinds of situations where you put and anticipate, okay. If this happens, what would you do? What would you act on? And let's say you can do, like, play role about a situation, and then you can start connecting to them. Okay. So, if you saw this and that made you feel this way, then how can you act? How did you act it first? And then they say, okay. I acted this way. Would there be any other chance that you could have acted differently that would be more of a conflict resolution possibility? Both simple questions that they start. And it's amazing. It draws out a smile in my face because when I remember all the things that we were doing and these responses that they were having. Imagine a full class of 25, 6-year-old children by meditating and by being like this and learning how to breathe and how to calm down their emotions. So, it was a beautiful experience. And they really learn. They really learn about empathy. They really learn about communication. They really learn about how to ask forgiveness, for example, or those magic words, you know, like, hey, I'm sorry about that. I was angry enough. And I didn't realize that it was going to hurt. And that's something that they develop with training and the possibility to do it in a safe space where they are not being judged by someone who will tell, you need to ask forgiveness.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:56

Exactly. Yeah. When I worked in Boston way back in the day when I was doing mental health consultation, like, one of the things we did, there's a curriculum called second step. In the second step curriculum, I got to go into classrooms and do that with preschool aged children, and that's exactly what it was is doing the scenarios and talking through that. And it's funny to think about growing up myself. Like, my mom was who got to try and counsel me on how to resolve those conflicts when I would talk to her about them and if I would give her all the details of what actually happened in this situation, and she wasn't equipped to give me good resolution skills. And so, it was challenging to kind of navigate how to figure out relationships and how to resolve them when you're a kid growing up and figuring that out. And, you know, you do work it out. You figured out as a kid somewhat, but it's so amazing to have schools and awareness and integrating this for kids of how-to problem solve and to have people that allow you to think through how to solve them and what would you do differently and how could you do that. And the group setting of having kids have other kids cope with solutions and think through that is such a beautiful thing because kids feel so isolated in how to solve those problems. And they have a 7-year-old mind, a 4-year-old mind, a 9-year-old mind trying to solve these complex social situations. And, yeah, a lot of times, we just resolve to go apologize, and you don't even know what an apology means. You don't actually mean it. You're rehearsing a social ritual you've been told to do that doesn't actually address the emotions, doesn't help you work through the situation, doesn't actually build the thing and resolve anything because depending on how it's handled. Some adults are really skilled at, you know, handling the emotions and getting to the bottom of things and supporting and working through and understand situations. And sometimes it's like checking a list and just go do this and we're done.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:48

So, it's really amazing to have those opportunities to do that. That's great that there is an organization in your hometown that understood that, and you were able to go work in schools and do that. That's phenomenal.

Tomás Nores [: 00:12:59

I felt so lucky to have found them. They were an NGO that worked for 20 years. And, unfortunately, during the pandemic, it shut down. It couldn't keep doing it, but they were doing it for 20 years, which I joined them for 9 years until the pandemic starting 2020. And then we tried to follow online courses and so on, but it wasn't possible. So, I started my own endeavor because I said, well, this is something I truly love that I became really passionate about and that I, of course, trained myself in hours of congress studies about it and everything. So, this is something I want to keep doing. So, I kept doing it by myself as a consultant, as a freelance consultant, and I created coaching programs in order not to do it only for the NGO schools, but also for adults, independents, as an executive coach, for example, things like that, that I could saw the resembles.

Tomás Nores [: 00:14:01

As you were saying, like, for example, when you were saying that your mom didn't have the skills to, well, it happens the same exactly the same when you're a leader or you have to manage a team or teamwork. Right? And then you don't know how to encourage them when you don't know how to boost the morale of a team who is going through a massive crisis that we're going with many massive crises at the moment. They were living in this VUCA complex systems. Right? Some leaders who really are able to hold you as an employee in those difficult moments. And I'm not saying that a leader should be a psychologist or should be a father or a mother. I'm going to say, no. Right? I'm just saying to be a leader and to hold you or your team in those difficult moments to know how to navigate those situations.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:55

Yeah. And it's one of those things that you get into these positions because you're good at whatever your organization does or whatever work that you do, and you find yourself what you're managing is people, humans. And your level of emotional intelligence and your ability to support the emotional intelligence of the people you're working with is key. And I love like, I do a little bit of coaching work with middle managers, and I love the work. And it is so imperative to be able to support these people that are in the middle of, like, trying to bring up and support others that they supervise, that supervise other people, and also having to navigate upper levels and be that buffer, it is such a challenging place to be in. And to be able to navigate all those pieces is important, and emotional intelligence comes into play significantly. And I think all those elements you talk about, and when you're balancing so much of an organization and expectations around workloads and about those pieces, it's hard to remember that there's this human element. And how do you bring that to work and how do you navigate it? So, the work you're doing is hugely important in being able to do that.

Tomás Nores [: 00:16:04

Yes. Definitely. I can see the value added there. And, luckily, I'm one of the bunches, let's say, because it's more and more common nowadays that coaches, like you, for example, or like many other colleagues that I've been seeing that are taking more in consideration the human factor. We are humans, and that's not deniable. And we're not going to be able to be as productive in a day that we have a massive situation that was really disrupting for us. Or if we don't even sleep well the night before, for example, it's not going to be so likely that we're going to address a situation the same way that if we are in a regular day or in a common day or we have nothing to worry about. So, understanding this, how to deal with these emotions, is not something that is like a myth. For example, let's say that some leaders in my practice, I've seen that they think no. If we allow emotions in the office, they're going to say no. Today, I feel sad. Today, I feel angry. So, I'm not going to do anything, or I'm not going to face this situation. And that's not about a emotional intelligence. Right?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:22

Yes.

Tomás Nores [: 00:17:22

So, the thing about emotional intelligence is how can we navigate those emotions in a more assertive way, right, in a more assertive way, which means that we're going to be able to do whatever we need to do and, with no suppression of the emotion. We're going to be able to navigate those emotions and take those skills that we need for the moment. It doesn't mean that we're going to forget about the situation that is causing any of our traumas or problems or sad emotions. Right? We're going to face it later. But now we need to focus in this. And with that, we need self-motivation, which is one of the core components about emotional intelligence.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:07

Mm-hmm. Exactly. And to recognize that there is that element of needing to, they're there. We're whole. We're human. We're 1 piece. So, we have to actually acknowledge it. All of us come to work, including the emotions we have and then trying to like, we need to, you know, there's a level of putting them here so we can do our work, but we need to put them there. We need to be able to process them the way that they can sit there so we can be able to do this other piece instead of they'll be right in front of us in the way, blocking our ability to do things if we keep trying to pretend, they don't exist. And so, trying to figure out the way of doing that in a way that's safe. But, yeah, we have managers that scare of people just, like, bawling in their office over all their overwhelm and everything else. And instead of being able to find a way of like, let's find a way of how we can carry things and still be present and be able to do the work we need to do and have people feel safe to be whole and be able to work through those things. And there's more places that have like, I know here in the United States, we have what we call EAPs, which are employee assistance programs, which provide you with somebody that you can work with. With a psychologist or a therapist or somebody you can meet with to help you kind of navigate those pieces sometimes. And I know that oftentimes when I coach and work with people, we talk about using that and them knowing they have that as a resource with their manager to be able to make it more comfortable that you can talk to your staff because you have some place to refer and to give them those supports as well so they feel like they can actually bring that into the conversation. But the work that you do then, so do you work oftentimes with individuals or with organizations around this?

Tomás Nores [: 00:19:44

That is amazing that what you said exists in the US actually. Here, I have been living 2 years in Spain. And I think that, there's still a lot of taboos in the country in terms of, therapies and how we can bring emotions into the workplace, for example. Right? So, what I basically do is to both individuals and teamwork, employees in a company, it could be for 20 at the same time or 50 at the same time. It depends on the groups that are on how the dynamics are that I create tailored experiences for them. Right? It could be, I don't know, 1 big session of, let's get sensitized by this topic, and let's start opening the question. Or it could be a training program for a full year. Right? Because there are many things to dig in.

Tomás Nores [: 00:20:46

And some people, they are not in the possibilities to be able to talk to someone when they need it, so, having the opportunity, as you compare with this service that is provided in the US, having the possibility to talk with a professional that is going to assist you, is going to listen to you. And something that is really common that we say listen to you, but it's not always that possible for leaders to listen to people and say, okay. I'm really going to try to listen instead of saying you need to do this or you need to do that or I want this. But how about if we cocreate? And cocreation is one of the skills that comes when we try to collaborate, for example. And if we're trying to build a project together, build the product together, then how is it going to possible to say, well, can I listen what's going on with this thing? Do you need me to adjust some things? Can we work through together about something that is blocking you in this moment, or I'm just going to say, I need this for Friday?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:55

Yes. Exactly. And there's the need to I think that a lot of people in leadership positions feel like they need to have all the answers and they need to fix everything, and they can't fix that rent is due, grandma's sick, child's having issues at school with their learning plan, and the persons completely overwhelmed and they can't fix that and they can't solve that. So, that's why they're like, I don't even want to hear about it. I don't want it to exist. Instead of understanding that, letting that person let go, process that, put this here so that they can focus and do the rest of the work might be all that it takes. Or that they take 5 minutes to be able to say, like, okay. So, this is here. How can we get a plan for this? Okay. So, now we can focus here. And so, being able to, like, redirect or giving them a place to even process that and understand they don't have to have the answers for all that. They don't have to fix all of that. They can just let this person be human and acknowledge this must be very challenging for you to have that. Are we able to shift focus to be able to be here, or do you need to take off the day to handle this so that you can be present here in the morning and then deal with that this afternoon? Like, that can be the problem solving. They said, no. I don't need to fix your sick grandmother. Or like, that's not something I can do. But, you know, what do we need to have plans and systems for to be able to let you be able to be focused and motivated and present and let you have agency to resolve those things. So, it's interesting how much they're like, no. I can't solve that. So, we can't even, like, even it can't exist in these walls.

Tomás Nores [: 00:23:20

Yes. And what does it make to companies? I mean, what are the results that that approach can bring, right? One of the main problems in most of the companies is the rotation. They lose human value. They use HR. So, that's one of the main issues in most companies because people, you know, this sentence that they say people don't leave their jobs. People leave their bosses or their managers. Right? Probably true for many times. Because when you're in an environment that really allows you to shine, you're going to work because you want to thrive. Because you want to feel competent about yourself, because you want to show the skills that you have, because you want to do good. Usually, most people don't go to work saying like, okay. I'm going to screw this time. I'm going to do it bad on purpose. Most people don't. Right? I'm not saying it doesn't exist. I'm not going to be such a positive guy who says not and doesn't exist. But most people want to add value to what they are doing in their work. Right?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:27

Yeah.

Tomás Nores [: 00:24:28

So, imagine if that possibility is allowed or encouraged by someone who understands about your emotions, your personal life, your humaneness. And I go with the same here. Like, to boost the morale, to provide with the tools and the things that your team needs in order to be more productive, it doesn't mean that you need to turn yourself into a psychologist or a psychiatrist or anything. You just need to be a leader, a conscious leader that is going to help your team to thrive. And with that, creating a safe space where they can be themselves and where they can use their skills the best way as possible in order to do their job.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:14

Yes. The 1st step is to really be able to acknowledge the emotions and have the emotions and realize there's a range of emotions. And the second place is to really work on the skills of emotional intelligence and realize that there's 5 different areas for you to kind of develop and work on for emotional intelligence, which takes time, so be patient with yourself. So, what is that 3rd piece that we really need to have as kind of our key of better understanding our social, our emotional intelligence?

Tomás Nores [: 00:25:42

Well, the 3rd piece, what I would say, something that is not quite in books probably, but I think it's very important, is the fact that you know that it's never going to be the same response. You cannot anticipate that much because you are a human being. Situations are going to face you with specific events that you will not be able to say, okay. I already have a vocabulary about emotions. I already know how to recognize and identify these kinds of sensations, body sensations, my corporeality. And I'm able to say that I might be feeling a little bit, let's say, sad, for example. Right? But that doesn't mean that every time that you go through the same situation, you're going to have the same feelings. So, depending on the situation, depending on how are you doing or what is the stage of your life, there is going to produce different emotions. And those emotions are going to produce different thoughts or behaviors. Having more attune with your emotions are not going to set you up for life. It's going to be a training that is going to be for life and that you will have to see in this particular situation, in this particular moment, what are the set of skills that you need to bring to the table in order to confront this situation, in order to step up at this moment.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:27:15

Yeah. I think that self-awareness component really speaks into those volumes. I know that when my mother went through breast cancer and after she finished her treatment, I changed jobs, left a relationship, and lost all this weight and, like, regained my life and was in this beautiful place after all of that. And so, when my mother went through her melanoma and I got to the end of that, I thought, oh, I'm going to get to this beautiful place. No. I lost her at the end of that. Like, my mother passed, and I required 9 hours of sleep at night. Like, a totally different experience, but you lost your mom. Life is not going to be the same as it was that time. But I really did walk out of it thinking, okay. Now, everything is going to get better, but it's so funny that I expected that. But luckily, I had this self-awareness and it took a little time to, like, oh, no. This is totally different, and I need 9 hours of sleep. And I did change jobs not long after that, but it was like a totally different experience. But I expected a totally different outcome by it all. I'm like, wait a minute. Why isn't it doing that? Because it did that before. Isn't it the same? But, yeah, you can't expect the same outcomes. Life is constantly changing.

Tomás Nores [: 00:28:25

Definitely. And that's something that building these skills are going to prepare you much better for conflict resolution or problem management whenever they can. But it doesn't mean that you're not going to have any troubles or you're not going to have any issues or you're not going to feel sad or angry anymore. So, you're going to be a little bit more prepared in life, and that's huge. That's a huge step towards making a more fulfilling, more pleasant life for yourself.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:00

Yes. You can't stop the storms, but you can learn how to find cover when they come and be able to clean up a little easier afterwards because you've got the tools to do a little bit better. So, that's definitely an important thing because, yeah, you should expect it's going to get better, but life is still life and things still happen. So, that's incredible. So, yeah. So, emotional intelligence really is this incredibly important foundational tool that is surprising we don't spend more time learning about and mastering at a young age. But it feels like that's a large part of play in early childhood and being a kid is starting to do the practicing, role playing and mastering some of these important skills that kind of play into it. Right?

Tomás Nores [: 00:29:45

Yeah. That's something that I wish I would have learned when I was a kid and that I tend to compensate, let's say, with the adults that I'm helping with at this moment. And something that I wanted to share with the audience that are going to be listening to us, you just shared with your self-awareness, you realize about it. And I'd like to ask you if you want to share which are the thing that for self-awareness have helped you the most? And then I can add some others. And maybe with that, we can help people that are listening to us to say, hey, maybe I haven't tried these yet, or maybe we can encourage them to go for another trial.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:31

Yes. I think that I am surrounded by a lot of amazing women, especially in the work that I do currently, that help me see myself in different phases, and it helps me realize the awarenesses I've gained and the ways that I've grown, which is kind of nice because you don't always catalog that. And I think that someone that I really enjoy in my life has helped me recognize how much I've shifted from being in my head and in my mind all the time because we are in a culture that's very, like, brain mind focused. Like, you think through things, you solve problems, you push forward, you use your brain for everything, and you don't recognize your body and your body's responses. So, even as I described, like, me recognizing that I needed 9 hours of sleep that before I would have just like, no. You only need 8 hours of sleep or 7 and a half hours of sleep. Stop. This is the logic. This is the brain telling your body what to do. Instead of actually listening to my body and recognizing that my body is communicating to me and telling me things and that when I feel things in my body that sometimes it's me, my body, trying to say, you need slow down. You need to, like, you need rest. You've been through something. You need to pay attention to this. And so, I think that one of my self-awareness is starting to recognize that my body is also giving me information and is part of the communication system. And that although I've been taught culturally to live in my mind and listen to my brain and think logically and be more logical and less emotional and less than my body, that our body is a very good tool for communicating to us. And that's a self-awareness that I need to be more aware of my body and what is communicating to me.

Tomás Nores [: 00:32:02

Wow. Thanks for sharing. That's very powerful, and I totally would like to add on that. Taking a moment just to breathe in order to realize about your body and how is your body trying to communicate. Because sometimes we're on the flow. We're very in a rush, and we cannot tell what our body is telling to us, if we are not able to give a moment to let our body communicate to us. Otherwise, it's like we don't give the space and time for it to let us know what we need in that moment.

Tomás Nores [: 00:32:41

I think that is very important in emotional regulation, and then it comes to this part of self-awareness and how self-regulation is connected. Right? But in emotional regulation, breath work is very important because it helps you to make a pause and give yourself some time to reflect and not act impulsively. Right? And when you are able to connect with that moment of, okay. I'm going to give myself time. I'm going to read a little bit and recognize what's going on inside me, what my body is trying to tell me, then my decisions are not going to be so irrational and are going to be more attuned, mind, body, and soul. That's the key of really the emotional intelligence that we need it for real life.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:33:33

Yes. No. That is wonderful. And having that breath and it doesn't have to be, like, an hour of breath work. Like, we have a wonderful episode talking about the power of breath work overall, but just taking that pause and breathing and checking in can be very powerful. That's a very good reminder.

Tomás Nores [: 00:33:52

And sometimes, I'm not going to say that I do it all the time, but because I often forget myself. Apart from being in psychology is this entrepreneurship path that I've studied that is with the coaching programs for organizations or individuals often have me on the run, to be honest. And sometimes I forget myself about, okay. What do I train people to? What do I say people to do to take a pause and just breathe or go see something? Just observe, contemplate something. And, otherwise, you're not becoming conscious about what you're surrounded with, what you are going through if you're, like, always on the run and just do one thing after the other, and then you take a pause. So, for people having the same travels as me, they're entrepreneurs, for example, or if they're on the run constantly or whatever, something that really helped me, Shawna, and I'm going to say something really simple. Right? It is to put it on my calendar. Breath time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:01

Yeah. Well, it’s amazing how much we need to remind ourselves of the things that we know to be useful and we still have to remind ourselves. Like, I've done trainings on difficult conversations, and that's something I'm focusing doing more of as those trainings and that piece of work. And yet I have a difficult conversation that I need to have later today. And I was like, oh, I need to go use my tool that I give to other people to prepare for my difficult conversation. And it's so funny that, like, even people that, like, come up with the tools and have the tools and know the tools still need those reminders. And I think it's good for people to hear that we're all human, and we all need reminders, and we all need the tools and the little things that we use to help us remember to go back to reflect on and to utilize. And so, we all work on stopping and taking a breath. Even if we are trained in these pieces and train other people in these pieces, we still need the reminders to stop and take a breath. So, that's actually a wonderful, like, segue into the fact that each week on The Grit Show, we talk about self-maintenance, and we've actually reframed self-care because we don't want to sound like an indulgence as a regular thing that we all need to be our best and show up as our best.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:36:14

And so, I think that this is a good example of it, but what are some other things that you do to maintain and take care of yourself so you can show up and be your best and do your best? And I'm guessing it connects to the emotional intelligence and the skills that you need to learn to be able to do your best work with emotional intelligence as well.

Tomás Nores [: 00:36:31

Definitely. Something that really helps me in that way that is connecting with self-awareness and self-regulation at the same time is about how I practice to do meditation, yoga. I do it every day even if it's for 15 or 20 minutes, even if it's during the morning or even in the nighttime or at the middle of the day, I try to do it every day of my life. And it's been 7 years already since I started doing it every day, and it literally sets the tone of my day. It really helps me to recognize myself, what am I going through, where am I, and how do I take that pause in order to keep going or in order to take care about myself, in order to feel better. Regular practices that I'm so proud of myself, to be honest, to have been able. Because, of course, many days, they're not like, no. I don't want to do that. Oh, no. And, of course, I allow myself not to do them whenever I have this gut feeling like, no. No. Today is not the day. I allow myself to do that. But at the same time, I push a little bit harder whenever, like, the laziness going on. Like, no. I don't want to do it because I know at the end of the practice that I will feel much better. It's always like, when people say, I didn't want it to go to the gym, but then they went and they feel very happy about it. So, that's the same for me in this self-care practice that I do every day.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:38:04

I love what you said about that some days it can be, you know, 10 minutes. Some days it can be 45 minutes, like, that you have that flexibility because I feel like sometimes getting the habits to stick of the things, we want to do is to have that flexibility to just have the habit that you do it every day. And that when you find something you want to do every day, whether that is, like, you want to do x, you want to do movement. So, you say I have a movement practice and every day I move. And so, maybe I love dancing. So, every day, I dance for maybe 5 minutes, and some days it's the full hour. And some days it's and I want to do meditation or I want to do yoga, that I do those things for or I want to write or I want to do whatever I want to do for me. I want to go on a walk every day. Like, whatever it is that you get in the habit of doing every day even if today, all I can do is walk the block because I have too much on my schedule. I have a lot going on, but I just make sure at least walk the block instead of walking the, you know, the 2-mile loop that I like, that you make sure that you find a way to do the least amount you can fit in to make sure you keep that habit up. And it's like you get to reward yourself that you're, like, getting in what you can. And so, you do the yoga every day or the meditation every day and then and you realize the benefits of, like, I love it when I actually do the full 30 minutes or 45 minutes and get the most out of it or I write for the full time. But you do that every day and you get that as part of who you are and what you do regularly because of that benefit. I feel like there's a benefit to, like, doing it regularly and feeling like it feels more part of you when you're able to do that. And so, like, once in a while, I do this, and so it doesn't feel like I don't feel the benefits, and I don't feel connected to it, and I don't integrate it, and don't feel like that's part of my self-maintenance and connected to it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:40

And it's so funny. I forget all the time anymore, but I do as a thank you for being on The Grit Show, we actually have a coloring book, which is perhaps not your way of self-care, but something that's a fun reminder, and you're welcome to pass it on to somebody else. But we have 2 of them, and one of them is the Magnificent Ocean and Vintage Mermaid, and the other one is You've Got This, which is inspirational quotes. So, I would love to send you one of those 2 as a thank you for you being on The Grit Show today. So, which one of those can I send to you?

Tomás Nores [: 00:40:08

Definitely. I'll go with the quotes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:11

Alright. You’ve Got This. We'll send you the quotes. I like it. Awesome. And then we always give our audience something that they can walk away with. And I really wonder about that taking that breath of that something that we can kind of get in that reflective moment and taking that breath is something we should give them as something to walk away with or if you have other thoughts of what they should walk away with and implement from our conversation today around emotional intelligence.

Tomás Nores [: 00:40:34

Something I would like to add is that in these times that we're so strike with consumerism, that everything is about, you want it, you get it right now, right here. And then you can switch the channels or, like, everything is about instant satisfaction. And to be able to feel, to allow yourself to feel, that's something that needs to be on an another page of that consumerism in terms of, if I'm feeling blue at the moment and if I want to shut that emotion or put it under the carpet or as if it would be a balloon that I'm trying to push under the water, then eventually it's going to pop up. So, we are trying to be more connected and be more present with who we are and what we're going through, then we actually need to allow ourselves to feel and navigate those emotion. There are many tools. There are breath works. There is journaling. You just mentioned about journal. Right? So, there's an exercise that you can do. There's some, of course, social interaction that you can have that will definitely help you to boost your morale or to make you feel better or to feel more attuned with another human being. Right? So, there are many ways that you can learn how to navigate those emotions better. But don't be afraid of those unpleasant emotions that are going to be there. Just face them. Otherwise, they are going to stick in you, and then you'll see the things that are going to produce in your body or in your mood or in stress, chronic, or the fatigue that you'll feel, all the depression symptoms or anxiety that you don't know where it's coming from because you never took the time to address the things that were bothering you. That would be the present probably that I feel most urge to say at the moment.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:42:49

To have people kind of unpack what those might be and to sit with them or to process them? Or what do you want to do is to try to identify what those things are, or what do you want them to do exactly?

Tomás Nores [: 00:43:01

So, first of all, I like them to suggest them to pause about really connecting with them and try to see what they're going through and whatever is what they need to solve or whatever they realize about it. Don't lie yourself about it. Like, just address it and try to find different ways. And I cannot say, like, you should do this or that because otherwise, it will be like a magical technique that will work for everyone. It doesn't happen with human beings because we have different backgrounds, we have different experiences. And every situation, every person is going to be different. So, having that respect for diversity and having that respect for humanity will not make me able to suggest a specific technique for everyone, but just connect to yourself and try to find which tools do you have to address that unpleasant emotion that you're having.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:44:03

So, really connect with instead of just changing the channel or just doing the next thing and pushing that balloon into the water of actually, like, what is that balloon? What is that thing that I'm trying to push or put aside or ignore or not address and to actually let that rise up and identify what that is and then have the courage to actually find a way to process it and to figure out what that is because it's very individualized what that might be and to get the tools that you might need to be able to do that, whether that is connecting with somebody that can be that support or to be able to figure out what you need because it's very individualized for you to be able to do that. So, that's what our takeaway from today is, is to start letting those difficult emotions be identified and get a plan and to, like, hone our emotional intelligence to actually be able to realize that we need to do something with them.

Tomás Nores [: 00:44:53

You have said it very well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:44:55

Yes. Yes. Yes. That was what you were saying. I just want to make sure that I had it right so we could package it up nicely. That is fabulous. So, Tomás, what is the best way for people to be able to connect with you, be able to work with you, and to be able to continue to be connected to you?

Tomás Nores [: 00:45:10

Well, the best way to work with me, if there are Spanish speaking audience would be through Instagram. And my Instagram is tomasnores.psicologo, PSI, psicologo. And then, through LinkedIn channels, you just go with my name, Tomás Nores, and I'm going to be probably there, like, bringing well-being for people. So, that's where you can find me. And, hopefully, I'm going to be launching my website really soon, so next month. So, whenever it depends on when are you going to listen this episode for the show, and then you'll be able to see my website. It's already there or not yet.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:45:52

Perfect. And if you go to the show notes, which should be right in front of you wherever you're listening, you'll be able to just click on the links to both of those, the Instagram or the LinkedIn. And if the website is up, it'll have the link right there for that as well. So, you can get connected with Tomás and check out if he has any workshops or opportunities coming up or find other ways to be able to connect with him and work with him, especially right now in Spain because that's where you're at, but I'm sure you're willing to travel. I mean, the US is always fun to come to. Right?

Tomás Nores [: 00:46:19

Of course. I've been living in the US before and it will be a pleasure to go back. And of course, my work allows me to do it online. That's why I was traveling as a nomad as a remote worker for the past 2 years, trying to be a conscious remote worker. And then I do trainings online with some people that I work here in Spain or Argentina. For example, we have 17 graded in order to create in presence experiences for team retreats or companies that I would like to do inner work in presence. Otherwise, I can do it online.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:46:59

That's wonderful. I know it's so amazing how connected we all are now and how much simpler that seem to have gotten since we've got so steeped in it during the pandemic. So, we definitely know how to connect much easier than we used to. So, that's so wonderful Tomás, thank you so much for being here and sharing your wisdom with us. It is wonderful the work that you're doing, and emotional intelligence is so imperative. And it's great to be reminded of that and have those 3 areas that you highlighted.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:47:24

Thank you for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Be sure to jump on over to Instagram and follow us at The.Grit.Show. And if you aren't already following Authentic Connections Podcast Network at 37by27, you should definitely be doing that as well. Don't forget. You are the only one of you that this world has got. And that means something. I'll be here next Tuesday. I hope you are, too.