Money Beliefs & Balance - Holiday Conversations w/Shelley Meche'tte - 23

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Shelley Meche'tte 0:00

When we think about money management, oftentimes we think of finances, but managing finances doesn't begin with money. It begins with our thoughts about money. Manage your mind, space and time properly, and the money will always follow.

Shawna Rodrigues 0:15

Those words are straight from today's guest, Shelley Meche'tte. And let me tell you, they are just the tip of the iceberg. You are in for a treat because there is a lot more where they came from. As we enter the holiday season and get ready for the New Year, I thought Shelley was the perfect guest for us to all connect with.

Shawna Rodrigues 0:33

Welcome to The Grit Show. Growth on purpose. I'm glad you found us. I'm Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be leading you on today's journey as part of this community of seekers and thrivers growing together. I hope you stick around. I think you'll get a lot from today's conversation.

Shawna Rodrigues 0:51

eir dreams and confidence. In: 2021

Shelley Meche'tte 2:18

Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

Shawna Rodrigues 2:22

Me too. I'm so glad it worked out. I'm excited for our topics.

Shelley Meche'tte 2:25

Yes, I'm excited.

Shawna Rodrigues 2:27

So I would love to dive right in on the topic of money. Can you tell us a little more about some of the misconceptions people have around money?

Shelley Meche'tte 2:35

You know, I really feel like the largest conception around money is how we look at that money. And the reason I say that is, let me give you just a really, really, quick story just that myself. I grew up with a single mom, she got married when I was about 12 years old. And every single week, my mom would sit down and she would do bills. My mom is very, very organized. She's a budgeter, you know, everything is ABC, which is one of the things that I love that I learned from her. And she never sat me down and said, this is what you do, this is how you budget but just watching her. I watched her do a checkbook and, and she just really taught me a lot without saying the word about money. But what happened is when I would ask her, Hey, can we do this? Or can we, you know, go here, blah, blah, she would say, you know, well, you know, there's no money for that. Money is for this, this, this, you know, and basically money was for your needs, money was for things take care of you. And then if there was some extra, you know, you put part of that away for savings, because you don't want to run into any type of issues. And when you do, you want to have something you can fall back on. But what that did for my mindset of money is number one, it made me very organized, and it made me very meticulous when it came to where my money goes. I definitely believe that money is supposed to bring a service back to you. So that definitely was number one. But number two, it may be very self conscious about doing anything for me. And I do mean anything. So, you know, when my undies got holes in them, I learned how to sow them.

Shawna Rodrigues 4:17

Very comfortable, very comfortable. Sewn underwear.

Shelley Meche'tte 4:19

I mean, it has to be to the point where you just can't step in them anymore. In my brain, it's a knee and it's not frivolous. So when I began to, to make, you know, money and walk in my purpose, and, and want to treat myself, my idea of treating myself would, you know, be a $1.50 ice cream cone or something like that. But if I thought about treating myself to a really nice $15 or $20 lipstick, I got scared. And I got scared because I'm like, well, you're being frivolous. Well, you're, you're not doing money management. Well, you're not laying out, you know, is this a real need and what I had to do is I had to understand that my money habit was connected to my money mine. And in this case, I could not separate the fact that it's okay for you to enjoy it. What are you working for?

Shawna Rodrigues 5:14

Yeah,

Shelley Meche'tte 5:15

you know, everything is set up for you. You're a responsible person, your kids are taken care of, everything is taken care of, you know. It's okay to have some lipstick. It's alright.

Shawna Rodrigues 5:27

Yes, yeah.

Shelley Meche'tte 5:28

But I didn't think that that was all right. And so when I say that, I believe that money is connected to how we view money, this is what I'm talking about. It's not that I had a lack mentality. But there was a fear connected to it saying, now, you know, you shouldn't do this. Now, what, you know, there was that back of the mind going, now, I seem frivolous, you know, you're not, you're not spending wisely. Well, part of life is enjoying life.

Shawna Rodrigues 5:59

Yes.

Shelley Meche'tte 5:59

And being able to vacation when you want and being able to go out to dinner, when you want. Being able to spice up your wardrobe. When you have a better mindset, you understand that money works on both sides to care for your needs, that's number one. To care for your needs, and then to live. And so we need to find that equal mental balance for that, so that we're able to live both sides, without that nagging that I had in the back of my head as though I was doing something wrong.

Shawna Rodrigues 6:33

Yes, that makes very good sense. So how did you get to the point where you could balance that out? Like, how did you change that mindset?

Shelley Meche'tte 6:40

You know what is very interesting? My children really helped me twist that. So mind you, I had this mindset growing up. And so I'm in my adulthood, by now, with children. And I'm still going, Nope, you don't, you don't do this. Okay. Well, you know, and again, I'm not opposed to saving, making your money work, right? I do all of those things. But there shouldn't be a thing of Oh, no, I don't deserve to get, to get the name brand Cheerios, you know, don't, don't do that. Because then you can save, you know, 45 cent over here, spend that 45 cent. It was, it was really, my children because I was a stay at home mom. And I did pour a lot of myself and of course, a lot of my finances, you know, into my home, into my children.

Shawna Rodrigues 7:27

Yeah.

Shelley Meche'tte 7:27

And I remember we, we were going out, and they weren't small, but they were probably in that like tween type, age or something. And I remember going, man, I would really like to get this, I think was a shirt or something. And I'm like, Man, I would really like to get this. And my kids literally were like, so get it. And I was like, oh, no, I would, I would never do that. I would never just buy a shirt. That's, you know, you don't do that, you know, you guys will need shoes, you'll need this, you need that. And then my mind goes, they probably could have had an extra $10 had you not spent 15 on that. And I think it was my oldest daughter who looked at me and she said, you work hard. And you are a great mom. And you always put everybody first. You deserve to do things for yourself. And I was just like, it was that word deserve. I had never looked at it. I had never said it. Even though those were the thoughts. I had never said like, you don't deserve it. Because I think I felt like, Hey, I work I should be able to get what I want. But hearing her say it, I was like, oh, so I don't have to need it. It was something about this young child, looking at me saying you work hard. You're always doing for others. You deserve to be able. And it almost kind of broke my heart. And I know it seems really crazy. But it almost kind of like broke my heart. Like, do you not think that, that you're you're worth a $15 shirt?

Shawna Rodrigues 9:01

Hmm.

Shelley Meche'tte 9:02

And I had to bring all of these things and you know, into perspective and go, it's not 100% that you don't think you're worth it or that you don't deserve it. But you were taught that you never purchase out of want. And here is where the disconnect is. And so I literally started not just buying anything but when I saw something that I really wanted, I literally had to challenge myself to buy it. And it sounds crazy. It really does. It sounds like, what?

Shawna Rodrigues 9:36

You know, I think it's that element of this joy that like, you can get from those things and, and that balance of not going overboard where you're spending money that you don't have.

Shelley Meche'tte 9:45

Exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues 9:45

At the same time but not like, denying it because it's almost like punishing yourself to buy those things and not allowing yourself to have things.

Shelley Meche'tte 9:51

Not allowing yourself to have and for what? And so I have to be able to say, you can buy things that you want, and it's okay. What that meant is, your mom was wrong. And my mom is just not going to be wrong. You know what I'm saying? So being there, that whole, emotional association of what your mother, she can't be wrong because she's, you know, she does this well, and this well, and she's amazing with money, and she's created a home and she's done this, and she was an impeccable, single mom. So, she knows what she's talking about. So, she can't be wrong. Having to disconnect that belief system was also a process, because I had to realize that she did an amazing job with a source that she had, with the thoughts that she had, with the ability that she had, with the belief system that she had. That doesn't mean I need to carry it.

Shawna Rodrigues: 10:49

Yeah, yeah. And I think that all of us have messages about money that affect us in different ways. And reflecting on those, I think that, I might have had a different like, almost the opposite. Whereas my mom was big on gifts and getting them and so for her, she felt restricted a lot because she didn't have a budget. It had to keep to a budget, but she would sneak those little things. And I love it. Mom, forgive me up in heaven watching everybody for telling people these things. But she had a budget. My dad got paid once a month, and there was a budget for grocery shopping. And there was four of us kids and money was tight. For grocery shopping, she would sometimes get a little KnickKnack, because we had a show on love languages. And so people heard me talk about my mom and love languages. And hers was definitely gifts. It was one of hers. So she would get like the little KnickKnacks as part of the grocery bill, because we had to sneak it in somewhere. Because for her, that was like, she didn't feel worthy. And that was her way of making her like those little gifts were way making her. She find ways to sneak it in. And so as I became successful, she would always tell me to get the thing, get the thing, get the thing, get the thing. And so it was like, Okay, I'm successful, I should be able to buy anything I want because I'm successful. But that's not how budgets work. But that's not how it works. So I have this opposite thing of like, Oh, I'm successful, I should be able to, No, no, that's not how it works. That's not how it works. And yeah, so it's, so interesting about like examining the messages that we have with money. And I have and I'll say a relative, so it doesn't go to any specific relative. But I have a relative that I think that they are like I should deserve things and they spend things they don't have money, and they still have that message that they still do things that don't stop and say no, like, I can't afford this. I gotta save up for this, because they don't have the budgetting mindset. And so it's so interesting if these balances of like, going from, like generationally, where their next generation is probably going to overly budget because they, without because money gets spent on things that shouldn't be spent, you know what I mean?

Shelley Meche'tte: 12:46

Yeah, and that, that balance is sometimes it's really tough to find, you know, to be able to say, I don't want to tip over too far, because I don't want to become, you know, irresponsible financially. But, I still want to be able to enjoy my, my life. You know, life is short, I want to be able to have certain things, do certain things. And so being able to find that balance of not tipping over, you know, too much either way, that's a job in itself.

Shawna Rodrigues: 13:17

Yes,

Shelley Meche'tte: 13:17

that's the job.

Shawna Rodrigues: 13:18

Yeah.

Shelley Meche'tte: 13:19

And that's why I always say to people, we're always looking at money management going, let's allocate money here, let's allocate money there, there really is no proper allocation until we understand, what's our thought where this is concerned? What are our beliefs where this is concerned? You know, what did I grow up thinking, you know, if you grew up, and you didn't have a lot of money, sometimes that money gives you a certain amount of pride, and you become a person who you work, work, work, work, work, and you never enjoyed because you have a scarcity mindset. And you're so scared that I'm never going to have anything again, that I can't even enjoy what I do have. So being able to find that balance really starts with what were the belief systems that you grew up with? Which ones have you held on to? And why is it that you're going in the financial direction that you are?

Shawna Rodrigues: 14:07

Yes, and how you can reevaluate that.

Shelley Meche'tte: 14:09

And how you can reevaluate that.

Shawna Rodrigues: 14:10

Yes, exactly. Is that something that you've done, work with women on helping them look at their mindsets around that? Or what are some common mindsets you see?

Shelley Meche'tte: 14:17

Absolutely. And because I work so much with, with moms, and I work a lot with stay at home moms, budget is a huge deal. There's usually one person, you know, who's working and the money is coming in consistently. But a lot of the moms, you know, they have businesses that they're trying to get off the ground or you know, they have hobbies that they want to turn into businesses, but there is a budget that we have to stay within, you know, and we have to learn how to make everything balance out. Our goals, our dreams, our career, mindset, and the actual funding of that and all that has to be budgeted, because you have to run a household.

Shawna Rodrigues: 15:01

Yes. Yeah,

Shelley Meche'tte: 15:02

people will still want to eat.

Shawna Rodrigues: 15:03

Yes. Yeah, my mom was the queen. So I still have a dear friend of mine who has multiple kids and she used to envy my mom who had a menu. There would be a menu on our fridge because when she went grocery shopping, would you give us probably how she had those quarters and dimes to invest away, and get the cute little KnickKnacks on the fridge was the meals for the entire month because she had to buy all of our groceries all at once. And she would stick to that and do that because the only way we would have food on day 27 was because she had written down, macaroni and cheese. And that was on the menu and it was on that menu set so food would still be there at the end because she was so good at making sure she made it all happen and bought all the food with that one paycheck a month that came in. So yeah.

Shelley Meche'tte: 15:46

So did your mom know my mom? You know, my mom is still here but where, did they cross paths?

Shawna Rodrigues: 15:56

They might have, they might have.

Shelley Meche'tte: 15:57

Literally, that is how, that's how my mother was. My mother worked for the school board so she got paid once a month. And she literally laid out every single day. She did bills pretty much every week, or that's how I remember it, you know, but she would lay everything out for bills. So she would literally lay out every single thing that we're going to have. And she did it by the week. So I don't know where she was pulling, you know, this other stuff from because she went grocery shopping. If it wasn't once a week, it was every other week, but it was laid out. This is what we're gonna have. These are the snacks and she was adamant about it. You can eat up all the peaches in one day if you want to. She was, she was adamant. She was like, but there will be no more peaches.

Shelley Meche'tte: 16:29

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Shelley Meche'tte: 16:40

She's like, so I suggest you learn how to, how to limit your appetite. And that's one of those things that I carried into my family, though, really being able to say, this is what the budget is, this is what we're going to eat. This is the food that we're laying out, blah, blah, blah. And it really did help me. So like I said, there's so many wonderful things that came from my mom, and her mindset and her discipline and her organization. And all of these things came without her literally saying them. And then so did the other side of me feeling like, you can never not follow this. I remember me and my husband like, literally are in the grocery store. And we pretty much got into this huge argument because I was so stuck. One, here's the list. And this is what you do. Oh my God, Shawna, when I tell you we're in the fruit area, right? And he's like, so I can't get a plum? And we're like, going back and forth. And I'm like, it's not on the list. This is the list. If you go back, and he's like, so take a page off and put a plum on there. And I'm like, what the hell. What I tell you, we had the craziest argument in the store about that. And I had to sit back. And after we had this huge argument, I sit back and I was like, that makes sense.

Shawna Rodrigues: 18:09

Whose voices were those.

Shelley Meche'tte: 18:11

I'm like, it's your list. You can switch it up. But I have been so conditioned to go, you write a list, you go to the store, you do this. And this is what fits in the line. And this is what fits and you don't, you know, you don't deviate. And I'm like, who says, who says that you can't deviate from the list that you created? As long as you're staying within the guidelines of what you need and what's going to be financially good for your family. But I had to go, girl, I had to go back and apologize. I had to be like, yes, you can have plums.

Shawna Rodrigues: 18:53

Those are funny.

Shelley Meche'tte: 18:54

But it was a huge lesson for me. And it was like yes, this is great. This is fine. It's fine for you to make this list to stick to it doesn't help, you know, you with your budget. Yes. But if you see that there's a sale on, on juice, it, you're not gonna die if you go ahead and get the orange juice and it wasn't on the list. It was just such a wake up call. I couldn't believe that we had spent 10 minutes in the grocery store arguing because he wanted plums and it wasn't on the list.

Shawna Rodrigues: 19:23

Yeah, yeah. Yes. That's awesome. I like it. We can, we can like, learn from those things called rights.

Shelley Meche'tte: 19:31

Right. You know, I haven't done that again. I haven't done that again.

Shawna Rodrigues: 19:36

There's now some more flexibility. Yes,

Shelley Meche'tte: 19:38

yeah, I'm flexible with the list.

Shawna Rodrigues: 19:40

That works. So as we look at holidays coming up and I do make a list if I'm having people for Thanksgiving dinner because you know there's a lot to figure out, meal's complicated, but, when it comes to holiday dinners and guests and parties and gifts like, what are your thoughts and recommendations for people around navigating all of this in their money mindset?

Shelley Meche'tte: 20:02

You know, for me personally, and what I really believe is that, again, when it comes to the holidays, and especially on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day, because those are the two days that we usually, of course, have our family over, you know, I don't care if it's the extra four people, that's extra money. And so what you really need to do is set a real budget to say, this is the amount of money that I have towards this particular day. I only have, you know, $800, for food for Thanksgiving Day. And so I need to create a menu around the $800, the $500, whatever it is, and when you, if you see that, okay, the menu that I have is going to exceed that, I love this little word that you know, we hate to do. It's called delegate, say to the family, hey, this is the menu, I have A, B, C, and D covered. And these are the dishes that we need covered, which one of you will be willing to bring that? There's, we tend to think that just because we're hosting, that we have to do every single thing. You're the host, but are you the only one eating? Last time I checked, everybody gets to eat. So then, why can't, it's family time, right? It's the time for family to come together. So why can't we come together on all areas? So here's the budget. And here's the menu that I've created around the budget. Is there something else that maybe someone wants to add to it? So you know, we need to be able to come together and make this budget happen and make this, you know, this wonderful menu happen as well. When I decided to delegate, life became so much easier. It became a potluck for you know, for my Thanksgivings and Christmases.

Shawna Rodrigues: 21:57

Yeah. And that's what needs to be. We're all going to have soup because that I can make for this budget and feed all of you guys and still attend to everyone.

Shelley Meche'tte: 22:06

Yes, yes.

Shawna Rodrigues: 22:06

Or, I can make this wonderful pot roast or this wonderful ham, or this wonderful turkey. And you're bringing rolls and you're bringing pie and you're bringing a salad, and you're bringing this and you're bringing that and then you're bringing drinks, and you're bringing disposable plates because I'm not doing dishes.

Shelley Meche'tte: 22:23

Yeah, cause I already got pots to wash. I'm not washing plates, too.

Shawna Rodrigues: 22:28

Exactly, exactly. You can definitely find a way to make it all work. And you're bringing the napkins and you're bringing

Shelley Meche'tte: 22:33

exactly. I think that number one is less stress on us. It's like we take on so much stress during the holidays, because I feel like we want to create perfection. And really, we should just be creating memories.

Shawna Rodrigues: 22:36

Yes.

Shelley Meche'tte: 22:36

And there's no perfection in memories, some of the funniest memories if you look at things that happen you know, as a kid or things like that. Some of your funniest memories are things that when someone accidentally dropped this or this happened or the dog, you know, lapped up this when he wasn't supposed to. Memories are just created with life activities. And none of those things are perfect. Memories are as sitting down laughing at things that make no sense, finding out, you know, how your month was, how your year was, because sometimes we're not seeing these people for an entire year. You know, because they live in different areas. So I don't think we need to be so focused on perfection and having this huge amount of food and let me make sure that we, you know, that we definitely have Pepsi and you know, and don't have that. But let's focus more on here's the budget. And we're going to create a menu around the budget because the goal of the day is to enjoy one another. That's our goal.

Shawna Rodrigues: 23:50

What do we want to get out of it. Yeah,

Shelley Meche'tte: 23:51

exactly. Exactly. What do you want to get out of it?

Shawna Rodrigues: 23:54

Yes, I did realize though going, we talked beforehand about going into family realm and here I still am going into it. But with my family, I did realize at one point in time the importance of, you know, hangry people needing food and the importance of food. And we have our holiday tradition for Christmas because my mother was gifts, right? Her love language was gifts and so we would, we all take turns opening presents and as the family gets larger, it can take a long time for everyone to open gifts. And so food doesn't happen, everything gets pushed back and takes a long time. And so I finally like realized this at some point in time a number of years ago and so decided to like having something fruitful to eat became a priority for our family celebrating Christmas, after Christmas to have that available. And a couple years ago, we were coming down and traveling I'm like, I can't do a big dinner, a big anything and so I just made simple like, egg casseroles and I might have, cinnamon rolls. I think I did cinnamon rolls I think. Those egg casseroles and cinnamin rolls are easy, peasy, breakfast bit so everyone can eat immediately, soon. Just go serve yourself like food. And we didn't do a big dinner. But the funny thing was is that my fiance and I were staying at like Airbnb or hotel because we were down visiting. And we went back and we went to get food on the, you know, on the way to the hotel, and nothing was open. So we didn't get anything for dinner because there was no, we could find nowhere to get food for dinner. And so, I guess, this isn't a good idea to not do dinner for the family because then we don't eat. I'm like, we don't have snacks with us. That's like, and even the grocery store was closed because they closed like two or three on Christmas or whatever else. It was so funny, because like, there was no food. I feel like somehow that got resolved. But I just remember like, we kept driving, like to optimize it, trying to find another fast food, find another grocery store and nothing is open. I'm like, okay, apparently my solution for not making dinner for everyone was not a good solution. But yes, it's like, maybe we should go back to my dad's house and just get and just get some of the leftovers. But yeah, but doing things like that, I'm like, Fine, he's like, with objections. Yes, egg casseroles and, and cinnamon rolls possibly from a can. I don't remember. I might have made them from scratch before I left them.

Shelley Meche'tte: 26:11

And it sounds delicious.

Shawna Rodrigues: 26:14

Easy, easy.

Shelley Meche'tte: 26:15

It sounds delightful. But that's the thing, let's make things easier on ourselves. And not just, you know, let's make things easier on our budget, let's make things easier, you know, on our emotions, let's make things easier on our body, we don't have to stress ourselves as much as we do. And you were talking about gifts, because it can't get to be so many, what we do is everybody gets to open one, you just get to open one and you got to take all the rest of that home. And y'all enjoy that at home. You could do that. But just, just little, just little things, fun things. You know, even with Christmas, we spend so much money at Christmas time. And what I love is being able to do things that are just, you know, a little easier. On the pocketbook. Drawing names, like you were speaking about, drawing names, we used to do that, because we had a really, really, you know, big family. People have moved to different areas now. But at one time, it was like 20 of us and people trying to buy gifts for all of us, that's a lot. And so we would draw names. And then within my immediate family, we would make a list, we still do a list of you know, maybe the top three to five things that you would like, and I'm able to draw from that, or will say, hey, this year, you know, especially like during COVID is like, this year, you know, let's put a cap on this and say, you know, let's, let's do $20 or $25, or let's do things where, you know, it's just not as difficult on the budget. Because at the end of the day, it's not about the amount that I'm spending on. A gift is supposed to be something that is done out of love, out of kindness, out of wanting to give. And so we're putting a monetary value on things when a lot of times, we all like some of the simpler things that you took time to really just think about me, you could have gone out and purchased a $9 book for all I care but it was one of the greatest books that I've ever read. I'm always talking about it and you found it, you know, at a garage sale or you know, whatever it is. We don't have to put that value on the dollar. You know, but put that value on what we're doing for someone else. And how it's going to make them feel.

Shawna Rodrigues: 28:35

Yeah, finding that way to be about that. And a lot of times too like, experiences I've never heard that more than once can be a good investment for gifts versus more things for people.

Shelley Meche'tte: 28:46

Yes, absolutely. One of the things that I would like to do, you know, and if my family want to go ahead and pay for me to go, I'd be very happy. I want to do indoor rock climbing and I want to do indoor skydiving and so, you know, if my family came together and said we're going to put in a little this and a little that so you can go skydiving that would be wonderful. In fact, they did that. I really wanted some, so my birthday is right around Christmas and so for my birthday, I'm like, you know, I really want some uggs. I'm gonna go get me some uggs. So for, for my birthday, actually everyone just chipped in and said hey, here's birthday money, happy birthday, go get your uggs. Little things like that, you know, it takes that burden off of you financially. You know, so especially when Christmas come around, go in with other people with gifts to make it easier on you. Have a list where you can pick some things, put a, put a cap, we're not going to spend any more or do, you know, if possible, do family gifts. If you have a, you know, a sister and she has two children and a husband, do a family gift. Something that the family can benefit from.

Shelley Meche'tte: 28:51

And enjoy it together. Yeah, that's a great idea. Definitely. And definitely there's all those after holiday sales, as well.

Shelley Meche'tte: 30:03

I love it. I love it. I love the Christmas shop after Thanksgiving. And after, after Halloween, I love the Christmas shop after Halloween.

Shawna Rodrigues: 30:10

There you go. Yeah, one year, my dad and I worked together when I was living in Boston. And the gift was he and I helped buy the plane tickets for everyone to come to Boston for Christmas. So we could all be there together. But after paying for plane tickets for everyone, there wasn't a lot left over. And so we basically that was the experience is all of us being together in Boston for the holidays together. And so that was what everyone's gift was to do that. And I think we might have gotten each other little literally $10 on things. It's like $10 gifts for drawing the names. So there was a little something to open on Christmas, but it was the experience of us all be in New England.

Shelley Meche'tte: 30:49

Of course, I will remember that and be like, Hey, that was like the greatest, you know, so it's okay for us to think outside of the box. And like you're saying, you know, everything doesn't have to have the dollar sign to it. That right there, the experience, amazing.

Shawna Rodrigues: 31:05

Yes, yes. And we talked to earlier about the family that I was close to when I was in college, they had this brilliant idea of, at Grandma's house, they had jars. So they also did the name drawing, like we talked about, that they had baby food jars at Grandma's house that had people wrote down what they wanted. And it might be, I remember when there was a belt, somebody wanted a belt. It was there, the thing on their list, they put on a little piece of paper, the same size pieces of paper wrote down the things that they wanted. And that way you could go get the thing out of the jar at Grandma's house, so they wouldn't know what you're getting them.

Shelley Meche'tte: 31:37

I love it.

Shawna Rodrigues: 31:38

You could have, you know, under $25 gifts, under $40 gifts on that little list at Grandma's house. So people could go there and you draw names and then you go to the jar and you draw what you're gonna get somebody's,

Shelley Meche'tte: 31:47

I love it.

Shawna Rodrigues: 31:48

like that too sound like,

Shelley Meche'tte: 31:49

I'm gonna steal your, grandma's idea.

Shawna Rodrigues: 31:51

You can go for it. I think that's a great thing. I think this type of,

Shelley Meche'tte: 31:55

I love that.

Shawna Rodrigues: 31:56

Family projects like that when you have to be creative too. Because again, a lot of times you're just trying to come up with things and you buy something and then they have one more thing they don't surely need and it become like the burden of, of getting something for somebody instead of,

Shelley Meche'tte: 32:09

exactly. Yeah, exactly. I totally agree. Totally agree.

Shawna Rodrigues: 32:14

Yes, hopefully everyone listening is like, Oh, yes, we love these ideas. Hopefully they agree too. Definitely, because getting the mindset of it being about the experiences and things and plus not just buying and spending the money, but why are we doing this and we're connecting and wanting people to feel special and unique and be part of the family and not being in the hustle and the bustle that you're doing this because you're supposed to and not by the reasons underneath.

Shelley Meche'tte: 32:40

I wish we could get out of that mindset that I'm doing it because I have to. It's Christmas, so, oh my gosh, I have, it seems you enter the holiday so unhappy. You know, it sends you and there was so much pressure, oh, I have to do this or I have to do that. Oh my gosh, no, let's take that off. This is an opportunity and it's an opportunity to give and reciprocate, to make one another feel special and loved and cared for. And that has no financial, you know, where it has to be this. But I'm telling you, I'm gonna take that experience, I absolutely loved, I love that. When my kids were very small, you know, I used to buy, you know, like, just little tiny things for them for Christmas. They just want stuff to open up, they don't care. But you know, we, we will buy coloring books and crayons and things like that for them and then we will take time to color together. So, you know, on Christmas, we color together or we make cookies together, you know, each year they will look forward to picking out cookies. And you know and it was just a little Pillsbury cookie, you know, but they thought it was the greatest thing so we would go you know, you just go get your cookies, we'll make the cookies, make the house smell, you know, fabulous but little things create the experiences and the memories and that's the goal to be able to be with your family and love your family.

Shawna Rodrigues: 34:10

Yes, yeah, I think before COVID, the Christmassy for COVID, I had a couple that of friends with, we had them over for dinner and we made ornaments together and then exchange it.

Shelley Meche'tte: 34:19

Oh, how nice.

Shawna Rodrigues: 34:19

We got some ornaments and we did for our Christmas thing. So yes, everyone who's listening, I really encourage you that if you're feeling like, it's a responsibility, you're feeling like, imagine that the emotion is what you're giving the person not the actual gift and so if you're not feeling that emotion when you're buying the gift or coming up with a gift or figuring out the gift, don't get the gift and tell them it's all Shawna's fault. Have them send me an email, I don't mind. Say, The Grit Show, made you do it. It's fine. But like, that's what is supposed to be about. It's the spirit of giving, it's the connecting. it's the making them know they're being thought of, right? Something nice for them on a piece of paper and give it to them instead. Just give them a nice voicemail, give that that's what they need. That's what we want is that the world is that unless like, giving of just something because I feel bad, because I didn't get you anything. So, let me grab something from the store because I need this type of thing, right? So yeah, we need more of that and blame me if there's somebody who's affected by it. So, we did also talk about love languages. So if you have people in your world and their love language is, the giving of gifts but also remember that could be the flower from the side of the road, that could be the cookies you made, that could be the note on a piece of paper, that type of thing is like a thoughtful gift that can also be finding something at your house that you've had that you know they would enjoy. That counts for those people as well. So it doesn't have to be that stressed. It's that, that thought that goes into the gift giving even for people who's love language is receiving gifts.

Shelley Meche'tte: 34:28

Absolutely.

Shawna Rodrigues: 34:51

Yes, this has been so useful. This has been so wonderful. Is there anything you want to add to this that we didn't get to touch on?

Shelley Meche'tte: 35:54

I want, you know, as we go into the holidays, I really want people to understand that the holiday is yours. We spend so much time making the holiday and again it's family and all that don't get me wrong, but we spend so much time making this holiday about everyone else that we never understand that this is your experience. This is your holiday. So if you need, the holiday shouldn't be, you've done so much now, you know, you're put to the point of where you regret the holiday. You know, but it should be a thing of, yes, I'm tired because I spent time doing things but it was a rejuvenator for me too. Don't let things like, Thanksgiving and Christmas and the New Year and don't celebrate yourself out to the point of where you're burned out. Understand that this is your holiday. So it's for you to enjoy. What is it that you enjoy doing? What is it that's going to satisfy you? And if that means stepping away from, for a little while, you know, getting a little coffee, make sure that you enjoy this holiday that we say it's about family. You our family too. So make sure you enjoy as much as you're putting out.

Shawna Rodrigues: 37:11

Yes and that's why this time of year like there is so many different traditions, there's so many different types of holidays that come during this time of year. And that's the reason why we say that, Happy Holidays are able to put it in that context and some people don't celebrate any of them which is also okay. But I think part of it is like, the darkness that comes with this time of year and the desire to like, connect with others that I feel as part of the reason why this is our time that we're all like, wanting to have that connection and the light and the beauty and that connects you with other people and that, you know, going through the fall and the Thanksgiving, and that because again, we're US-based for those listening that stays at the end of November, we have Thanksgiving, which has questionable roots, but it become about family and coming together with people and about gratitude which I love gratitude, and I'm huge on gratitude so if it becomes about being with family, about people you care about and sharing food together and gratitude and so when you keep it about those things like, this beautiful thing but because about all the commercial, about all the other things, the same as with the holidays at the end of the year, whichever ones you're celebrating like, at least a New Year's Eve, I'm like, getting used about celebrating. My, my fiance does not like New Year's. I love New Year. I love celebrating the beginning of a new year and celebrating new things and new beginnings and I just love it. I love fireworks. So all these things like, however, whichever thing you attach to if you celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, like, I can't remember the Jerry Seinfeld one, by no, he has one that mixes them all together. But,

Shelley Meche'tte: 38:48

there's so many. So many.

Shawna Rodrigues: 38:51

That whatever you find that you're still doing it for genuine reasons, whatever your culture, your heritage, your connection to that it's genuine. That's the common theme of all of these different pieces, that they're about connecting to others, and to yourself, and to your beliefs, and to beauty and to all those things. And so we want to keep that genuine and not let all those other commercial, not even just the commercial, just the responsibilities and expectations that

Shelley Meche'tte: 39:18

you don't want it to tear away from the core of why you're, you're doing it.

Shawna Rodrigues: 39:23

Yeah. Exactly.

Shelley Meche'tte: 39:23

And it becomes so stressful that it becomes, I can't wait to this day is over, or I can't wait to this week is over. I just want this to end. And that's not what it was supposed to be about.

Shawna Rodrigues: 39:36

Yes. Even birthdays and weddings turn into that.

Shelley Meche'tte: 39:39

Yes. Oh my god.

Shawna Rodrigues: 39:42

You don't want that. We don't want that. We want you to enjoy these things. So make them enjoyable. So yeah, that's a great piece of messaging to remember that keep the true heart of things when you're looking at it.

Shelley Meche'tte: 39:52

Absolutely.

Shawna Rodrigues: 39:54

Well, wonderful as we go into these seasons, what are some things that you do to take care of yourself that you see a self care items?

Shelley Meche'tte: 40:02

Oh my goodness, for me, I have learned that there are different self care activities that replenishes different emotions in my life. So, during the holidays, you know, it can become a lot of hustle and bustle. So one of the things that I do is if things begin to get stressful, one of my relief for, for things being stressful is to come away. Just to, to literally come away, and to either just be by myself, or be by myself and watch a little comedy. They're both included doing it by myself, though. So that, you know, the stress levels, yes, the stress levels for me, it just becomes too much of an, ahhhh. And so I need to quiet, I need my mind to quiet and I need everyone around me to be quiet. And that means go away.

Shawna Rodrigues: 41:00

I like it.

Shelley Meche'tte: 41:01

Because that's what I need for my own, you know, self care to calm myself. To calm, and I especially need that during this time of holidays. I need to be able to pull away, to get things back together, to get my emotions back together, to calm myself, so that I'll be able to have the resources and the tools and the bandwidth to be able to go out again and take care of things. One of the other end, you know, it's not self care, but it works for me as I do everything early. So, you know, when Christmas comes, I'm usually shopping for gifts months ahead of time, because that time is stressful. And I know, I don't want to be in the hustle and bustle. And it's too much. So I get everything done months ahead of time so that I don't have to walk in that. You know, I've come to realize that there's certain stress triggers, certain things, which is why I started doing potlucks and delegating because it was too much pressure. So that's one of the things that I've learned about me is, you know, the stress level, calm, and I'm just going to shut everything out. And then it's just going to be calm. I just can't do live meal.

Shawna Rodrigues: 42:14

Yeah, yeah.

Shelley Meche'tte: 42:16

So I know now when I'm getting to that level, and I make sure that every single day, especially during, during this time of the year, every single day, I decompress and go hmm, I just need you to just stop. Like literally stop, go. I need my time to decompress. Because if I don't have it, it's going to be one situation on top of another situation, on top of another situation, until I crash. And that's not, no crash on my well being or anyone's well being.

Shawna Rodrigues: 42:47

Yeah, yeah. That's the word, know thyself. That's great. That's a great self care spotlight to have from your chalet. That's very valuable for people to know when you need to have your time to yourself. And for you to know when there's difficult seasons coming up which, this is, can be a very difficult season for a lot of people to proactively do that self care and take your time to yourself to decompress, and to have that time for yourself. Yeah, I got an interaction fatigue, is what I call it when I have too many people and too much going on. Like, oh, my interaction fatigue.

Shelley Meche'tte: 43:15

Too much, too much. And I'm so glad that I've learned, I've learned to connect with my body, and was my emotion so that I'm not at that point. You know, I don't get to that point of where I'm sporadic, or you know, I've completely crashed, but, I know Oh, okay, these triggers are coming so I need to push away.

Shawna Rodrigues: 43:38

Yeah,

Shelley Meche'tte: 43:38

I need to go and I need to chill, or I need to leave the house or, you know, something where, as long as it's no one around me and I can get the piece that I need, even if it's just for 15 minutes. I just need to bring everything.

Shawna Rodrigues: 43:54

Yes,

Shelley Meche'tte: 43:54

just bring it down. So that,

Shawna Rodrigues: 43:56

that's great.

Shelley Meche'tte: 43:57

So I can exhale, you know, and come back and handle all the crazy fatigue.

Shawna Rodrigues: 44:03

Yes, no, I hear you, I hear you. And the beautiful thing is, is that you mentioned earlier about coloring books. And that is actually, so The Grit Show, we have our own series of coloring books called the Color of Grit. And that's actually something that we give all of our guests as a thank you for being on the show, is you get a coloring book.

Shelley Meche'tte: 44:24

I'm gonna be coloring.

Shawna Rodrigues: 44:25

You're gonna be coloring books, you have another option during that quiet time, coloring. So you can also color.

Shelley Meche'tte: 44:31

That is so, very therapeutic.

Shawna Rodrigues: 44:33

That's, that's what we think. So that's why we could put that out into the world. So our two options,

Shelley Meche'tte: 44:35

it really is.

Shawna Rodrigues: 44:40

Yes, our two options. So the first one is the Vintage Mermaid and Magnificent Ocean. And the second one is, You've Got This which is funny and inspirational quotes. So that's the one that's coming out and then the one that is out is the Mermaid and Ocean one. Do you have a preference?

Shelley Meche'tte: 44:56

Oh my goodness, people's so, so good. You know, because I want to, you know, have mine right away, I'm gonna go with the mermaid.

Shawna Rodrigues: 45:05

Alright. Just like, I like immediate gratification. So we're gonna go with the mermaid. I dig that. That totally works. We will be sending you, your copy of the Vintage Mermaid and Magnificent Ocean.

Shelley Meche'tte: 45:14

Oh, thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues: 45:16

You're welcome. Well, Thank you for making time. I know this is a time out of your day to share your wisdom with everyone. And we really appreciate you being here. So, thank you for your time.

Shelley Meche'tte: 45:23

Thank you. This has been amazing. So much fun. The time has passed by so quickly.

Shawna Rodrigues: 45:27

So quickly. That always happens. Yes, yes. And we like our audience to walk away with something really concrete that they can just start applying to their lives. We call that our grit wit. And so do you have something specific?

Shelley Meche'tte: 45:39

Yes, if there's anything that I will be able to leave with you, and again, I think I already put that in there. But especially during this time, take your moments. Take your time to be just with you. And remember, this holiday is yours. And so be aware of those things that you need to make it the best and most memorable time for yourself and for your family. Remember, be for yourself too.

Shawna Rodrigues: 46:11

Yeah, yes. Because we're busy taking care of everyone else. That's absolutely it. Wonderful. And for everyone who's going to be so excited to connect with you, what are the best places for people to find you?

Shelley Meche'tte: 46:24

Yes, you can find me on my website, which is, www.ShelleyMechette.com. And I'll spell that is S-H-E-L-L-E-Y-M-E-C-H-E-T-T-E. So we can always connect on my website, you can grab one of my freebies on my website, we can connect on my Instagram, which is my name, Shelley Mechette, as well as Facebook, which is Shelley Mechette, or my Facebook group, Moms with Purpose, I like to keep it simple.

Shawna Rodrigues: 46:56

I like simple. And I will have the links to make it simple. We will have the links for all of those in the show notes. So I always thought like, people to hear it because I know I'm oftentimes driving or something when I'm listening to podcasts. So it's great to hear it as well as be able to just grab it in the show notes later. So we will have all those links for you. And you also have a free guide around powerful purpose and its PowHER, H-E-R, PowHERful Purpose, Five Ways to Rediscover You After Motherhood. Do you want to tell us about that guide that you're going to be given away to?

Shelley Meche'tte: 47:27

Yes, for those of us who, who are moms, we know that the balancing act, it can be difficult. And a lot of times when we become parents, a lot of our goals or dreams or hobbies or things that we just used to do even habitual things like getting up and having a cup of coffee before taking a run whatever it was, we rearrange those things so much until we actually put them on the backburner and forget about them. And then we lose ourselves in motherhood. And so I created a guide because I was that woman as well where I was so busy doing for my children, doing for my husband, making sure family is taken care of that I looked in the mirror one day, and I had no idea what I like. I had to ask myself, do you really like Cheerios? Or do you eat them because you don't want to throw them away? You know, because that's what we do as moms. We just finished up the stuff.

Shawna Rodrigues: 48:19

Clean-up crew. Clean-up crew.

Shelley Meche'tte: 48:22

So I had to rediscover who was the woman? You know, I know it's very strange after we become moms, we just feel like we were born mothers, but we weren't. We didn't come here, moms, we didn't come your parents, we came here with, with different gifts and talents and goals and things that have been imparted into us. And there's a way to balance all of those things with motherhood, and your life goals. And so this guide is going to give you five top ways that you can begin to successfully and harmoniously merge those two things together.

Shawna Rodrigues: 48:54

Oh, that's so exciting. That's wonderful. So for everyone listening, if that spoke to you, then definitely get in the show notes and get that guide so that you can get connected with that. And this Facebook group is a great place for you to also connect with Shelley and with other moms around that. Moms with purpose. That is wonderful. So thank you so much for being here, Shelley. This has been delightful.

Shelley Meche'tte: 49:15

Thank you. I appreciate it. And thank you so, so much for having me. It was amazing.

Shawna Rodrigues: 49:20

Yes, yes. And thank you for everyone in the audience for joining us. If you're interested in checking out our coloring books, you can get your free sample pages off of our website, thegritshow.com and we will be here with you again next week. So don't forget, you are the only one of you out there in the world. And that really does mean something. Have a good week.