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Do you sometimes wish you had all the answers? That you knew what to do and what direction to go? We've all been there. Today, I'm going to share with you the tool I found useful in these situations. Instead of trying to find all the answers, I have started finding better questions. It all comes from my favorite quote, and perhaps it'll be a tool and a way of thinking that you can use as you lean into 2024 and forge your path.

Welcome to The Grit Show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections.

Life is overwhelming. We all know that. We've all learned that adulting can be hard. Adulting has become a term. I think that life moves at a different speed now, and we all can have challenging times trying to keep up. And a lot of times, there are so many questions and we just wish we had all the answers. Right?

You aren't sure what to prioritize. You don't know what to focus on, and you aren't sure which direction to go. Does that seem familiar? Does that sound about right? So, this episode is inspired by someone I know actually posting on, I think, their Facebook that they just wish they had all the answers. There's someone who is younger than I am and trying to figure things out, but that is the feeling that we can all identify with and connect to. So, it inspired me to make an episode, looking at what I've done in those circumstances and what I found to be helpful in trying to decipher how to respond when I feel overwhelmed and feel like there's so many questions and wish I just had all the answers.

So, today, we're going to look into that and lean into that just a little bit. I think you're all familiar with a quote that, “There is nothing new under the sun”. That's actually a Bible verse. It's from Ecclesiastes 19 and the New International Version of the full quote is, “What has been will be again. What has been done will be done again. There is nothing new under the sun”. The beauty of that quote to me is that it's a reminder that our experiences as unique as they may feel in the moment that we're the only person going through exactly what we're going through, there's this universal element to our experiences. There's this piece that our struggling with the questions, our struggling with trying to understand our next move, what we're doing, where to go, how to figure out what we're up against, that experience is universal. Having these questions, not knowing how to address them, not knowing how to make the decisions and figuring out our next moves is a very universal experience and it applies at various stages in our lives, whether we're just done with college or just around that age in our early 20s, trying to figure out where we want to be, what we want to do, what the trajectory of our lives feel like, what our priorities are going to be, where we want to live. I'm at a totally different stage in my life and I still have those decisions. Y'all know I was selling a house and figuring out where to live and where we were moving and how our lives were moving with me and my partner as we made those decisions.

So, there's a lot of things that repeat as we go through life, regardless of age to figure out our focus and where we're going and transitions that are happening with us. And, sometimes, those questions can be related to our family structure and where we want to focus our energies and careers and jobs is something that is common for a lot of people right now and figuring out how to balance that and how much stress we're experiencing. And if we're feeling recognized and feeling like we're giving enough or if we're giving too much and if our boundaries are being respected or not and how we're going to handle that and if another job is the answer or stresses, we know or most comfortable with. So, with all these circumstances, that is a universal experience, wrestling with these questions and these decisions and trying to figure things out. What I propose is a different way of looking at it instead of trying to figure out all the answers is to actually improve our questions. And there's a quote that's really spoken to me, connected to me around this. And I love quotes, which is funny because I don't often read them on the podcast, but I do really love quotes. I had 1 up on my, well, in one of my 1st jobs out of college, I actually had a friend, like, print me a thing and put it up on the wall in one of my offices. I just love quotes.

One of my favorites is Rainer Maria Rilke that is, “Be patient toward all this unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer”. Isn't that beautiful? I just want to read it to you again. “That you need to be patient towards all that is unsolved and you do love the questions, like, locked rooms, like, books in a foreign language that you can't understand. Like, the questions are just beyond the comprehension of where you're at right now in your life. And to stop looking for just the answers because you're not able to live them and to live where you're at and live the questions now because the questions are where you're at. And gradually, without noticing, you'll live your way into the answers”.

It's beautiful and complex and lovely. And it's about being in the moment with what you're experiencing, but it's also giving us the awareness that there is so much to be gained in the questions and there's so much that we try to just skip over that. Right? The discomfort of the questions instead of seeing the questions and the questioning time as this gift. It was uncomfortable. Right? We want to just hurry past the question part. But the questions are this beautiful time of the stilling and digging deeper and figuring out what the question really is and what you should really be figuring out even. And then living your way into the answers.

This quote I just love this quote. And it is timeless because, again, this was somebody who lived, you know, in the late 1800s is when he was born. And so, this concept is something that is just beautiful and important that we can live into the answers and we need to embrace the questions. And there's this other concept too that if you've studied the mind and neurology and how our brains work like, our brains are incredibly good at problem solving, but sometimes we're just so focused on the problem solving and grinding against it instead of trusting, believing, do you see that believe? My word of the year. I'm going to just keep bringing that up for y'all that believing that the answer is there. And that's a beautiful thing for people who have faith, that have like a higher power, that they have trust in, that that's also something you can turn over to that higher power to like work through to some of those answers. Right? And believe that you can kind of turn those things over and allow the universe, allow that higher power, allow God to be able to work through those questions you have and allow things to align in your favor. And the most important thing is to actually feed the right questions into that system. Right? That when you are deciding what you want and what you're looking for, that the right questions, the right requests, is the really important key for us to unlock our lives and to live our way into the answers. That at the core of that is the correct questions.

So, how do we stop looking for answers and start looking for better questions? And what do I even mean by better questions? So, we’re going to go with a simple scenario of, what should I do about my job? Like, I just want the answer. I just want the answer to just fall into my thing, what to do about my job. And that's when sometimes we are giving ourselves the question is, should I take this job at the office down the street doing the same thing I'm doing now. Is that the question you're asking? And maybe should I take the job at the office down the street is just too narrow of a question. And maybe the bigger question is, am I happy doing the work that I'm doing? Is this the work I was put on Earth to do? Am I fulfilled in doing this work? Is this what I want to be doing? Is this meeting my needs? And so, this bigger question, is this the work I want to be doing? It's a much bigger question than, do I take the job down the street? And so, the answer to I take the job in the street is a yes or no answer. Right? That we could put on paper and like, does this pay this? Does this pay this? Whatever else. You could take the job down the street. And then it turns out that, yeah, it paid a little bit better and it was just this transactional thing of just, this is the next step up. This is the next job and you took the next job. But really what was going on is that you wanted more flexibility to be with your family. You wanted more availability to attend to other things that you cared about. And this job was just a transaction to the exact same job. There was no transformation in it.

And maybe there's a different job that you hadn't thought about, or looked at because the question you're asking is, do I take the job down the street? Instead of asking a question of, like, what work is really going to meet my needs, my family needs, where I'm at in life, what's going to be my needs to bring the most joy and completeness of my life, and have work be the right piece of the puzzle for my life. And in that case, maybe it's actually a job that's not up the street. It's a little further across town, but it offers the ability to work from home 2 days a week so then I don't have a commute 2 days a week and it's actually no longer managing as many staff. It's managing more projects. So, I have a little bit more flexibility, and I've had a lot of stress managing staff. And so, I'd like to manage more projects. So, maybe that's the type of thing I need to be look at doing. And it's actually exciting because the projects I'm managing are ones that are helping people in a way that really brings me some satisfaction. So, maybe that's what I need to be looking at.

So, to be able to ask the bigger questions about what's going to bring me the biggest joy. And when we look at let's say that you're single and you're looking at finding a relationship that instead of saying, like, do I want to date x guy? And I can't decide if I want to date a guy x or guy y. But probably if you can't choose between guy x and guy y, maybe you shouldn't be choosing either of them. And you need to be looking for a bigger question of, what do I want in a relationship that's going to fit me in my life and bring me the most joy and complete my life in a way that's going to move me towards who I want to be and where I want to be. And what's the question is like, what's the relationship that's going to be the most exciting for me and be what I need for me.

And so, to kind of look at what are the better questions. For instance, a very simple personal example for me, planning my wedding, as you all know, if you've listened to this podcast, a year ago, probably exactly a year ago, I decided to postpone my wedding almost a year. And when I decided to postpone the wedding, the questions that I've been asking is, how can I find more time? How can I figure out this issue with printing labels to get out these save the dates that I'm completely overwhelmed with? How can I find more time? How can I get more help to get these things done? What am I going to do about the hotels that are booked? That we need to figure out different places for lodging? All these questions completely overwhelmed. Right? Completely overwhelmed. So, actually, the better question was, what do I want for my wedding? What is my word of the year? My word of the year last year was savor. I want to savor this experience. Am I savoring right now? No. So, what can I do to actually savor my wedding? Is there some big lever I can move to savor my weddings? So, my big question was like, what do I want for my wedding? I want to savor my wedding. Bottom line. I also we have this like permission statement for a wedding. Is that how we could put it? That our wedding is about connecting and celebrating and being with the people that are there is our priority. So, when it comes to the financial decision for our wedding, like, that's the marker of what things are going to be the most about bringing people together, what activities, what focuses are going to be about bringing people together and spending time and connecting because that's the priority for the wedding. Right? So, what's my priority for the wedding is a big question. Better question for my wedding versus, what am I going to spend the money on? What should I do about this for the caterer, for the photographer, etcetera, etcetera? It's like, what are my priorities for my wedding? That's the better question. And once I know the priorities for the wedding, it’s easier to decide all those other pieces.

So, that's what I mean by finding better questions is to find that higher level question. So, it can make a better question is actually being able to dig deeper. So, when you're trying to find better questions, like the example that I gave about the wedding is to kind of take it to that higher level. So, to stop looking at the smaller question and look at the bigger picture and that bigger question. So, I'm going to give you some examples of ways that might help you look bigger. And I will say, as I noted with my example for the wedding, that your word of the year can be a tool here. Because if you're in a situation about trying to make these decisions, if you have a word of the year and you're trying to decide, like, I don't know if we should take vacation. I don't know if we should be spending money on this right now to be able to say, well, what is my word of the year? And you're just like, oh, my word of the year is focus and I want to focus more, and I feel like us being out of town is going to make it harder for me to stay focused. Maybe this year isn't the best year for us to go on this family trip. So, maybe I'm not going to take this trip because I do want to focus more this year. And, sometimes, making that decision can help you reevaluate of like, well, no. I really want this trip. We really need to get away. That's part of my self-maintenance is this trip, so we're going to take it. Right? Or you say that and it resonates and you're like, oh, no. That's really true. I do need to focus on organizing, and I was overwhelmed. My word of the year is focus. Focus is a priority. Going on this trip is going to be overwhelming. And so, yeah, this is something we can put off until next year. So, we shouldn't go on this big trip because right now it does feel overwhelming. Or your word of the year is savor, and you're going to savor that time with those folks, which is why I went to Yellowstone in August and was so glad that I did because my word of the year was savor that even though I was in the middle of a move and had a million things going on, I still had a house for sale, wasn't going to have Internet access, running a new business, podcast network, I still went to Yellowstone. Didn't have Internet access because my word was savor and I savored. So, that's my word of the year.

So, if you do have a word of the year to like go back to, that it can help you, kind of, be that bigger picture, better question, like, am I focusing? Am I savoring? Does this help me savor? Does this help me focus? To make some of those. That's a better question, a bigger question to look at things. But when it comes to other things that you don't have the word of the year or you're not sure if that's the best angle, some other questions that have helped me over the years are things like asking, am I stuck? Where am I stuck? There's something sticking here. So, if you're having a hard time, you're feeling overwhelmed with decisions, figuring things out, there's too much going on, to stop and say, like, where am I stuck? So, I can't make decisions because I'm stuck. So, to pause and try to figure out what, there's a sticking point and do that bigger picture question of what is sticking.

And then to ask questions maybe about, why is this important to me? What about this is so important to me? Or is this important to me? Is this important to somebody else? Is this something that I do need to focus on or ask yourself, why is this decision hard for me? What about this feels hard? What about this move feels hard? Because you might find some of the places where you are feeling stuck, that maybe your move is triggering other moves that you've had and other things that were challenging for you. And that's why it's making it hard to make this decision and make this adjustment so that your question is not about, like, do I move? Do I stay? Do I stay in this house? Do I buy this house? And it's not about checklists, and checklists can't fix that because what it is, is there's the feeling in you of something that is hard for you is stuck because of other things in your world that are not shaking loose and moving differently. Another question you can ask is, am I trying to control something that's out of my control? Because sometimes trying to control something outside of your control is a big, good question to ask because then the reason you're having a hard time finding the answers is because it's not something you have the answer to. So, I have this little box in my drawer and this is my little box where I literally write down the top sheet says things I surrender, and this is where I write things that are outside of my control. Things that I know that I can't solve. And it's my way of giving this over to, I think it's actually called, a prayer box. So, if you are religious, like, it's actually called a prayer box. So, it actually is for that purpose. And it's my way of turning things over to a higher power, to the universe, to something bigger than me and outside of me because I know that it is outside of my control. It's not something that I can fix.

So, if you have family members who have addiction, if you have decisions in the court system that you can't control the outcome of, you can just do your best and do your part. If you're trying to buy a house and you don't know for sure if you're trying to sell a house and you don't know for sure, like, you can't control them and, you know, make somebody come buy that. Those are things that you need to believe they're going to work out and you need to turn them over. And so, those are things that you sometimes need to put outside of yourself. So, those answers aren't answers that you have the control over, you can't decide the answer is that this house will sell on this date for this price at this time, and I'll be able to then move and be free of this obligation. Those are things that you have that are outside of your control.

And so, trying to figure out something outside of your control can be a good way if you try to figure out if that's actually the question that you're living is what's going to happen with that and what's going to be next. And that's when you get to be in the space of, I can't wait to find out. And that's how when I started my podcast, The Grit Show, when I started it, that used to be my cute little thing I'd say is, I can't wait to find out how, you know, I'm going to make a podcast to be a viable option as part of a business for me. I can't wait to find out how this is going to work out, that it's going to be something I have time for and that it works for me to have this as part of my life. And the same with, I can't wait to find out where we're going to live in Bend. I can't wait to find out how we're going to get into a house because it was really hard to find rentals here, it was quite an adventure. I have lived in Boston and other cities, and it was actually way easier than finding a place in Bend. So, trying to figure out what is out of your control and what is outside of your control.

And that can be a good question for you to be asking instead of asking, why am I not getting into these places? Why is the house not selling? Why are things not working out the way I want them to. Instead of the question should be, what about this is inside of my control and what do I need to let go of? That's the other question I have for you guys is, what do I need to let go of? That that can be a bigger, better question for you to ask sometimes is, what do I need to let go of?

So, sometimes, we need to get a little bit clearer on what our questions are and what we need to actually let go of. What is going to bring us the most joy? What is going to help you savor, create, have more gratitude, whatever your word of the year is, like insert it there, increase your belief. That's my word this year. For my work, it's what's going to create the most ease and alignment because my business words of the year are ease and alignment. So, as I make business decision, ease and alignment are going to be in the forefront. So, what can I do with this situation to create more ease and alignment? The beautiful thing about the word of the year is it makes those questions much easier. Because again and I'm going to go back because I love this quote. I love this quote. So, I really want you guys to just listen to it again because it's a beautiful quote. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. And try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, but you cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers”. Rainer Maria Rilke. I think Rilke is how you say the last name. You guys let me know I said it wrong. I can handle the feedback. Isn't that a beautiful quote? So, when you start to feel like you just want the answers, see if there's room to start living the questions. Because if we just wait to live the answers, or missing out on a whole lot, that this plan in life, you're listening to this podcast, you got some grit. You've been through a few things. And if you look back on all those questioning times, all that growth, all that grit, all the ways you became and all the things you gained through them, if you erased all of that and you didn't live those fully, think of how much you would be missing out on.

Thank you so much for taking time to be here with me today. For our self-maintenance moment, this week, I have been doing a little bit of stretching and movements. I've had some medical stuff. I was in a small car accident back in November. Things are coming to a head a little bit. So, I'm finally getting back into my movement and doing some things to work on my body a little bit and being more mindful of what my body needs in regard to that. So, my self-maintenance has been doing that, and it's also been connecting. We've had crazy weather where I'm at. It's not crazy weather, but a couple of feet of snow, freezing rain, icy conditions, all sorts of fun stuff like that. And I drove over to where I used to live and had some rough go of the roads and long trips with rough conditions, change required, etcetera, etcetera, that made me feel a little more isolated living where I'm living. So, I've been talking on the phone, connecting more with my people, my friends that are dear to me, and making more time for that in the last week because I've been feeling a little more isolated. So, my self-maintenance this week has been connecting more and a little bit of stuff with movement for my body, which has been important for me. So, that's been my self-maintenance. And for your grit wit, your takeaway from this, I would love for you to kind of look at somewhere in your life where you've been aching for answers and try to see if there are different questions you can ask.

And, usually, when I'm in that place, if I don't have someone, I can talk it through because I'm definitely auditory person. That's why I have a podcast. Right? An auditory individual. So, I talk through with those dear to me very well to come up with better questions and better ways of mulling through things. But I will also write and journal and actually sit down and, like, what is my question. What is my question around this? So, if I'm wrestling with a situation, let's say my situation is I'm trying to wrestle with how I'm going to arrange my priorities around something. Like, alright. The question is, like, how do I prioritize? And then try to wrestle it around in different ways and work that question a different way of, like, what is important to me, right? How do I prioritize priorities of what's important to me? How do I know what's important to me? How do I figure out what is most important to my business? Well, how do I do it with ease and alignment? Those are my words of the year. So, I start, like, writing that in very free flow writing, trying to figure out what are the better questions for me to look at for that, to figure out how I can see, like, how to arrange my priorities and what better questions I can ask to live with that question. And that what's inside my control 1, and what do I need to let go of are 2 things that will probably come into play when I'm looking at that and making those decisions around that.

So, that would be the grit wit takeaways for you to take something that feels like a question that's kind of sitting on you in a weird way and like rubbing you in a way that's uncomfortable. That you're not comfortable with that question and see if maybe you can find a better question that you can live with and live into the answer from if you can find that better question. So, if you aren't sure about your employment. And what is the question you need to ask and think about? And believing, trusting that your brain is miraculous. It's greater problem solving. It's built for problem solving. So, your brain will solve that problem if you give it the right problem to solve, and you don't want it spinning its wheels on things that are not in your control, spinning its wheels on things that aren't important, that it's going to be spending its time chewing at what actually matters and what actually makes a difference.

And so, giving it the bigger questions to be like, my question isn't the transactional of how can I find 5 more minutes in my day to be able to breathe? The bigger question is, how can I prioritize myself? And my word of the year is savor. So, how can I savor more? How can I savor more? And to give that question to your brain to be able to do that. Like, I care about my family and I care about myself. So, how can I balance my love for my family and my desire to care for them and still prioritize my well-being and my ability to maintain and take care of myself? That's the big picture question I should be mulling over, not who's going to make dinner tonight or how am I going to get dinner done while I'm doing 12 other things right now. The bigger question is, how can I show my love and care for my family and still take care of me and prioritize me the way that I need to, to maintain myself so I can give the best of myself to my family? And that's the question that your brain needs to mull over. And that you need to admit to yourself that you aren't able to take care of yourself and you aren't taking care of yourself in the level that you need to. So, find those questions, take it to that higher level and see what you can do and incorporate your word of the year if you have it. And you can because that will really help you be able to drive it home and see that that word of the year is fitting for you and fits in there. Thank you so much for being here today. I really enjoyed chatting with you.

Thank you for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Be sure to jump on over to Instagram and follow us at The.Grit.Show. And if you aren't already following Authentic Connections Podcast Network at 37by27, you should definitely be doing that as well. Don't forget, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that means something. I'll be here next Tuesday. I hope you are, too.